When I joined DT a week ago I could never have anticipated the impact it would have on my life & the boost it has given me … I now find myself almost ‘addicted’ to the site.

Throughout my life I have seen more health care (mental) professionals than I could ever possibly count. Even as far as 15 years ago I was institutionalised my depression had gotten so bad. I have had CBT, been on medications of all sorts prom mild anti-depps to Prozac itself (not on ANYTHING at the moment – & hope to keep it that way!) as well as drugs for sleep disorders & massive anxiety. Even the notorious Rohypnol (the “date rape” drug – now banned in many countries) – NOTHING has ever seemed to help over the long term.
When I joined DT I was quite literally at the end of my ‘tether’ – I was in massive anxiety attack mode. Chest tight & difficulty in breathing – thought a couple of times I was having a heart attack, constantly crying & in fact even had to ‘run out’ of work the one afternoon because I couldn’t cope even facing anyone – much to my colleagues concern because I have ALWAYS maintained my outward “front” as one of cool, calm & collected – the “stiff-upper-lip” as only a Brit can know (they’re a good bunch really, but not friends, if you know what I mean).
I have been under enormous stress at work (which for the most part I’m ok with) as well as financial, but an issue with my GF brought everything just crashing down around me – it was the proverbial “straw that broke the camel’s back”.
I was “screaming” inside ….. I quite honestly wanted to my life OVER with!!! I couldn’t make sense of anything & all I wanted was for someone to hear my story & let me know that it was NOT all just “in my head” as everyone close to me kept saying (GF included!!!). Even a “reach-out” to my brother (we’ve always been very close) just ended in disappointment – he basically told me I was being an idiot, which really cut deep – he meant well but just did not understand what it’s like to live with depression. Probably doesn’t help that my GF has been a close family friend since I was about 7 years old – my late mom regarded her as the daughter she never had & my brother has regarded her like a sister for as long as I can remember – to him she is just “perfect” & any fault lay with ME!!! Her birthday is even on the same day as his & they are the same age – both 10 years older than me.
So when I joined DT I was looking for help …….
Well I found it, that’s for sure, but NOT in the way I had expected or hoped! Firstly I discovered that the simple act of writing my problem seemed to help on its own… go figure!!??
But then the honest & caring comments I have received have been … well, quite honestly HEARTWARMING & UPLIFTING … at a time when I thought I’d lost faith in human beings completely.
But it didn’t end there ……
Then I discovered that by ‘coming out of my own head’ a bit & reading other’s story’s & feelings & problems, I discovered that I was NOT alone … & instead of self-obsessing I found myself actually wanting to reach out to others – I have no special training or anything, just a caring nature & a wealth of “life experiences” to draw experience from.
I even managed to summon the courage to “invite” a few friends of similar situations & so on (people in general actually scare me – I cannot take even the SLIGHTEST rejection, even if it’s only my own “perceived” rejection – people I thought I could relate to & them to me. And then the greatest surprise of all …. After living alone for almost 7 years now, & except from the odd weekly “booty-call” from my GF, I’ve had little or no human contact outside of work … & here I was finding myself TRULY caring about someone other than myself & my own misery!!!!????
This has brought me out of my own thoughts just enough to actually start to feel better … it’s been the best “drug” I have ever experienced in my life.
So to everyone out there …… THANK YOU!!!!! From the bottom of my heart!!!