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Why isn't there a day for people that have depression…I have always been a Christmas person…but now I'm not..It has always been a weird time for me because now the holidays remind me of death…I hate New Years because my grandmother died around that time many years ago..and Christmas would always remind me of her..but then again I had my mom to keep me smiling..Now my mom is dead and I buried Christmas with her memory…It doesn't affect me anymore..I know it is the birth of Christ..but its also death for me…I slept through Christmas so I could avoid people's "happy holidays" phone calls…I didn't go see the rest of my family for Christmas because it doesn't feel the same…Unless my mom tries to put the fear of God in me and forces me to celebrate the holidays where she is in heaven..then I might…other than that I have skipped the holidays since the month she died..which was last December…Thanksgiving was so bad..I couldn't be happy at all..I went to a friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner and the only thing I wanted to do was cry the whole time I was there..People handle death in different ways..I have a way of not dealing…and making it seem like I'm fine when I'm not…I come from a strong family that is very opposite of me…The last day I saw my mom on earth…my family was at her hospital bed making jokes to keep a good mood around…I felt like going crazy….I had to keep leaving the room and then go home…I think what bothers me the most was that my mom was on a respirator and she kept trying to say something…but we didn't know what she was trying to say…That will stay with me until the day I die…The day my mom died I felt like I was an orphan…because she was my family…I have other family members but they were never there for me like my mom…The day of the funeral I stayed in my room when everyone was in my house eating and talking about her memories and so on…I'm so used to going in the room to keep my mom company because even though she socialized better than I did…she would like to go in her room and watch some tv…and I would join her…Now I can't…So many people God could of taken…and he had to take her…one of the kindest people I've ever known…Some things are not easy to understand

1 Comment
  1. Reanne_1 13 years ago

    your right they aren't i lost my dad 2 years ago January and i struggle every christmas b day and new year, it does get easier as much as i dont want it to. But talking does help remebering them in the good times. I still talk to my dad sometimes i know he is always looking over me. And i sounds as though your mum will be doing the same. She wont want you to be so down. Talk to her let it go . Live life as she would. I know it is hard but it does help.

     

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