I want to say that today is better for some unknown reason. Maybe because it's a pretty day outside, maybe because I have alone-time to do me things and clean our little apartment downstairs (it's a mother-in-law suite in my Mom's house); I cannot stand disorder in my living space, or clutter. It makes me feel stressed and angry and I really dislike it. Unfortunately my husband is not good about keeping up with his dirty clothes or clean ones~ like putting them away. I think it's mostly because he's so tired, but then again, he never has been one to take care of cleaning.

I'm really excited because we rearranged the apartment on Saturday and I finally got my dining room table back that I had allowed my mother-in-law borrow over 3 years ago. It's important to me because my Mom and step-dad bought it for me whenI moved into my first apartment by myself. It was secondhand, but I didn't mind at all~ it's beautiful solid wood with matching contoured captain's chairs. Now I finally have desk space in my room! That means I can do art projects and such in peace and quiet.

I think I have a therapy appointment tomorrow with Darcy, which will be a good thing. She has been such a great help to me over the past 3 years, and I will be heartbroken when she retires. She's not a young woman by any means, and I know it's coming sooner or later. So I want to get in as much time with her as I can between now and then.

This week is full of doctor's appointments and tests. I finally get to see a podiatrist about my foot on Wednesday (yaaaay!) and that morning I have to go in for a CT scan on my abdomen to see what's really going on with my stomach issues. All these years I've believed that it was just IBS~ which I was diagnosed with at 17, but apparently there might be something else going on now. I'm a little scared because they're going to shoot me full of iodine to do a contrast CT scan, and the last time I had that done I felt like I was on fire for the rest of day~ burning from the inside. It was unpleasant. I'm also afraid of what they might find and whether or not it's going to mean surgery in the end. But I'd rather fix the problem if possible than leave it the way it is.

My husband and I had a rough day yesterday with Zachary and each other because of it. Zachary has been making threats to us when he doesn't get his way, sometimes talking about kicking or hitting us because he's angry, and yesterday the same thing happened when we went grocery shopping. I asked Aaron to avoid the toy aisle area completely, but he ignored me. So of course Zachary wanted to go and look at the toys and convince us to buy something. But I make it a point not to let him have everything he asks for. He's somewhat spoiled, but I never thought we were parents that indulged in his every whim and desire. So I have a hard time understanding his outbursts and ugly temper. Yesterday he told me "I HATE YOU! Daddy's so much better than you!" in response to me continuing to say no to his requests about toys. And I blamed Aaron because if he had listened to my suggestion it wouldn't have been such an issue in the first place.

I'm concerned because this behavior became prevalent when he went to summer camp at his daycare~ so I'm thinking he's picking it up there, and possibly from me and Aaron's threats to him to take away things he loves when he refuses to listen or doas he's asked. Maybe he's emulating us by making threats becausehe believes that's an acceptable way to get what hewants from us. How do I approach this and correct it? Normal methods of punishments don't work withhim~ he's too headstrong.

It looks as if sometime this month we'll be going to Atlanta for a weekend tohelpAaron'sDad move his youngest son into a place up there. It'sreally frustrating because Jason (Aaron'slittle brother) just graduated from UF and he refuses to lift a finger to do anything to move his things. So Dad, who is having issues with his blood pressure and maybe his heart, was going to go up therewith only his wife totry to move all these heavy itemsby themselvesupstairs. So in order toprotect Dad's health we've decided to drive up there as well to doa lot of the moving. We're both scared he's going to drop from a massive heart attack doing all that heavy lifting and carrying. He's not a young man, closing in on 60 and having health issues.

To be honest I'm really annoyed and disgusted with Aaron's younger brother. Ilove him but he's so selfish and lazy. He's 23 years old now, and has never worked a job. He endedup taking 5 years to graduatebecause he refused to take anything more thanthe minimum 12 credit hours per semester so he could go out and have a good time and party. He wasamember of the Florida Gators football team, butwas too lazy to push himself to try to achieve his goals in football that would get him noticed by the NFL or any other league to play in. When he realized how hard he'd have to work, he quit. Meanwhile Dad and Theresa footed the bill and paid for all of his college expenses, including tuition and spending money, a scooter to get around campus, expensive clothes and shoes because healways had to have the best of everything. The sadthing is that Theresa allowed it, and now their savings is almost gone.

And now he's moving to Atlanta to become a graduate assistant for their football team, but he has to be actively pursuing a degree there to even have this job. So he's going to get yet another Bachelor's degree, or attemptto while he lives off hisparents. I'd like to smack him upside thehead and tell him how reality trulyis. It's timehegrew up and learned what having to work for everything you need and want is really like.

Well, I have to start laundry and begin digging through all the stuff in theapartment that we're going to donate. I'll beglad to have a clean apartment, but I'mnot looking forward to all of the work it's going to take to get it that way~especially by myself.

Hope everyone's having a decent day.

2 Comments
  1. RZA324 8 years ago

    Behavior is conditonal based on behavior.  I don't understand why you and your husband and your brother in laws father are doing all the work for a 23 yr. old man.  Why should he have to do anything, everyone else does it for him.  Its actually quite sad because when his parents are gone he won't know how to take care of himself.  The role of a parent is to teach our children to be independent and move forward in a positive direction, not to be dependent on us.  You shoul ask yourself why your husband and his dad is doing this for Aaron.  If he doesn't get his stuff in the apartment what will happen?  Shouldn't be your problem or his parents, how is he ever going to learn.  Also maybe with your son you should try positive re-inforcement instead of negative re-einforcent.  You could set up a behavioral board and have him earn a check mark or a sticker for the behavior you want to either extinguish or increase, only pick one at a time.  The reward should only be given once he has accomplish at least  a weeks worth of checks and the reward should be tangible to him.  Good luck, and don't forget children are really smart, don't threatent to take something away and then not follow through.  They know you don't mean it, you should either reward, praise or punish immediately and stick to  what you say. Have a n ice day.

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  2. sadviolinist 8 years ago

    RZA324~

    thanks for your input on this. I completely agree with you about my brother-in-law; by continuously providing for him (especially now that he's a man) they are crippling him, and themselves.  He needs to learn responsibility and strenght of character and follow-through; and how to work hard for things that matter to him. Like having a place to live and money he earned to pay for it!  I wish I could talk some sense into Theresa (his mom), but that's her baby boy and she'll do anything for him and not think twice about it. Dad on the other hand is spitting mad and ready to cut Jason free and make him be responsible for himself, but he doesn't want to cause problems between Theresa and himself.  He's never been a fighter~ he's always been one to keep the peace.

    Thank you for the good advice about my son's behavior. Most the time he is this loving, affectionate sweet 6 year old boy~ but about 1-2 times a day we have a face-off about this behavior.  The only thing I've found that works is sending him to his room in a calm and controlled tone of voice, no matter how bad his tantrum gets.  I think you're absolutely right about the behavioral chart! I think I'm going to try that with him starting tonight. He can even help me decorate it. On the days he doesn't make threats or show ugly defiance he'll get a star or a sticker, and then after a certain amount of stars we'll go do something special. 🙂

    Thank you~ I'll let you know how it goes!

     

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