My new girlfriend and I have been having a lot of disagreements lately and tonight get really heated. They are all kind of stupid of course but at the time they seem so heated. And I was trying to get out of the argument because I really just don't like arguing with people, it makes me uncomfortable and depressed. Like why can't we just have a civilized conversation. But like, she kept thinking the reason why I wanted out of the argument was because I was afraid of being wrong which made her mad and disappointed in me and it just sucked in general.

I just don't understand, I mean I do but it sucks. We have been friends for basically four years now and never have we once gotten into an argument. And I honestly thought that we knew all about each other. Apparently not because we are finding conflicting views and miscommunicating and it's just… terrible.

But because of this, and several other things, I have realized I really need to get on medication. It's not even like an option at this point. I don't think I can handle my depression alone anymore. I need help. I'm just scared because I don't know if my mother still thinks this is all a phase or not. And I really don't want to talk to her honestly. She never listens. And even out of some miracle she will listen this time, she'll just be like, well maybe we can try talking for a while and see if that helps. But I don't want to talk, that's the thing, specially not to her. It sounds harsh but I know what happens when we talk and it never ends pretty. And I don't want to talk about it in general. Becauase when I talk about everything… I feel like a burden, or people say that i shouldn't be leaning on them too much, that they have their own problems and they need to fix theirs and can't focus on mine or they complain that i am complaining that I am complaining too much or I get close to people. And I don't want anymore of that anymore. I'm getting hurt too much now in days and I don't want it. I want to curl up in a ball under my blanket and just not talk about it.

I just don't know what to do.


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