Okay. I am in serious need of some advice.

*Back Story: I met my husband back in 2013.. We each had one son from previous relationships, we were then married 6 months later, but my son was the one that lived with us. We get his every other weekend. I love his son very much, I love him just like I love my other children (We now have 2 year old twins) BUT Christmas is always a major issue for us… We are all about being fair. Equal for the kids, right? Right. Okay so every Christmas, my husband’s mother get equal amount of presents for each child. She doesn’t want either to feel like the other got more etc etc.. well my mother and grandmother, who are a huge part of my life, will maybe get the stepson 2 things and my son 4-5… Same with my grandmother. It makes my husband more than angry… and he’s definitely a grudge holder…  Christmas is so stressful for me that I can’t even enjoy it because my husband is always furious with me every year because of my family not getting equal amounts of gifts.. *

Okay. So here I am with this. I have voiced this with my family that they should be getting equal because I, in no way, want stepson to feel left out or that he’s not apart of the family… At all. But.. they still do the same thing every year and will continue to do so. I just wish that my husband would understand that this is not my fault and that, truthfully, my family is just not as good and as sweet as his mother. Stepson’s mom is also married with two other children.. so Stepson is getting gifts from her family, our family, my family as well (even if it’s not much) and then stepdad’s family… So he’s not going to be in want.. He will have plenty. My son has us and my husband’s family.

 

Please help me to try and explain to my husband that getting so angry with me over gifts spoils my Christmas and that it is not about how many gifts the kid’s get. They’re spoiled brats already, we don’t need to make a big deal out of presents and the amount. *also: Stepson is with his mother’s family while we are opening gifts from my family so he has no clue he is getting less*  I don’t know how to express it into words to him without making him angry. I just want to enjoy Christmas this year. Heelllppp

I know this is kind of all over the place so it’s ok if you don’t understand it. I just have a lot of feelings lol

4 Comments
  1. delane 6 years ago

    mnmh16, you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, indeed!!! ***hugs***
    With that being said, and without sounding a bit…condescending, do you feel like you can sit your husband down and just talk to him about Christmas? What i mean there, is more or less that the holiday is supposed to be a celebration and a joyous time, not a pick-apart type of setting that will, in effect show the kids that Christmas is no more than a comparison of gifts and not the thoughts and feelings behind them. Sometimes, we all need a little reminder about why the holiday isn’t about ‘us’ as much as the kids and a happy time. ya know?
    i dunno if that helped at all, but my heart goes out to you, just the same. The only other thing i can think of doing is to limit the amount of gifts given to everybody….but i know that wouldn’t go over well, either….
    Good luck!!!

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      mnmh16 6 years ago

      See this is what I try to tell him. We need to stop getting them so many gifts.. We don’t have the money and in the long run they won’t appreciate anything. What pisses me off is that the whole present thing is a fight between the adults and the kids couldn’t care less! I love him so much and he’s so good to me, but Christmas is a hard time between us.

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  2. mornincupofcoffee 6 years ago

    It’s interesting that your husband gets so mad about it. Is he an only child? I don’t remember ever counting or comparing my presents to the ones my siblings received.

    Not to be to cold but life is not fair. It’s not the worse lesson for the kids to learn. Kids are resilient. I’m sure if they get upset, they will bounce back in about ten minutes and start playing with the presents they did receive.

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      mnmh16 6 years ago

      @morningcupofcoffee actually no!!! He has 4 other sisters. I think it’s absolutely ridiculous that I’m being punished because of something like this… The kids should get the hell over it. My twins will be opening more than both older boys because their stuff is cheaper. It makes me so sad that he makes Christmas solely about presents and I end up absolutely miserable. And look at what it teaches our children.

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