Hello to anyone who reads this,

its been about 6 months almost since I last wrote a blog here.

I guess where do I start. I have been off work since December 2017. I commenced antidepressants, spoke to counsellors, psychologist and my GP.

And for a while I was numbed to all emotions. My mood was always jumping from highs to lows. Eventually I weaned myself off antidepressants (my GP wanted me to commence another form of antidepressants but I found I was drowsy and much more clouded in logic on medication) and had clearer thoughts, could function and do self care more efficiently.

Now I find myself going down a deep dark hole and I keep fighting it because I can’t let this depression win. Tonight I resigned officially from my job. I haven’t been back to work for almost 6 months and they had kindly kept my position open but I decided it was fairer on everyone if I resigned. So I did. And now I feel .. like I have nothing left to keep me going.

Financially I am now struggling as I have no income and know it is time to apply for government assistance and hope for the best.

I just feel helplessly lost. What does one do in situations like this? I speak to all my friends and my sister and discuss my decisions .. my thoughts

I don’t know if resigning was the best thing to do but I also know returning was not safe and I knew I would not be focused and not be able to give 110%. I know myself that I am an extremely hard worker and to not be able to go back to work makes me feel like an utter failure.

Right now I am trying to think about the good and bad outcomes of this and also that perhaps what I am going through, there is some reason for it all.

Thank you to anyone who reads this