I was talking to my teacher, who happens to be my best friend. During the class, I almost cried a million times (just to exaggerate).
He showed me a picture of this woman and her dead mother, saying that she died recently. I said that was sad, and he said it depended on how you look at it. He told me how people typically said that he was a cold person, because he didn't normally cry during funerals, and didn't really express his saddness when people died.
He told me how he thinks that everything happens for a reason, and it happens because of his guardian angle. I don't belive in that kind of stuff, so I told him exactly that.
He then told me a long story about how when his son was very sick and in the hospital, he met a little boy named Tony. Mr. Gosselin (my teacher) explained how he knows that Tony is his guardian angel, because after becoming very close to his whole family, Tony died. He said that he had heard Tony's voice in his head, and he could almost sense him there with him.
Mr. G told me to think back and I told him I have no recollection of anything happening with a guardian angel. He then got into talking about how we meet everyone for a reason. I asked if he believed in God and he said yes, but you only get into heaven when you are perfect. He said your soul will roam around after your body dies and then you will find a new one. After you learn all your lessons, and become a near perfect person, only then will you get into heaven, and your journey is over.
He got me thinking about my life then. He said that everything that you go through is because you need to learn a lesson. Why would they have my cousin die then? So I could 'learn' that I'm a self-harmer, who cuts? So I could 'learn' that I have more than one eating disorder?
But then I thought even more. It seems that every single time I get close to someone, and I mean open my whole soul to them, I lose them. Maybe the lesson I need to learn is to let them go. When I lost my first best friend, then the boy who was like my brother, then my other best friend and recently my cousin, I would turn to hurting myself or turn into a deep state of depression. Maybe what I am meant to learn is to be able to live with these losses.
Maybe that's why I was put into DCI by mistake, only to meet Mr. Gosselin. Maybe I needed him, to realize that I needed to learn this lesson. And the scariest part is, maybe now that I have learned what this life might have planned, he'll get that new job and leave, just like everyone else.