I can't be bothered anymore…..I'm even struggling to post a blog…..Everything is a mess….I can't stop feeling angry, I'm so frustrated with everything…I can't stop lashing out…I suddenly just got all angry earlier….Slashed away at my arms as per usual!!!! Oh the fucking joys!!!!![br]

Everything is stressing me out, Even this site!!!!! I'm just hating everyone, I can't even smile, not even a fake one!!!!!!!!![br]

Clenching my jaw till it hurts!

My place is a mess, I'm a mess. Havent bothered with house work for the past couple of weeks so now its all piled up. I haven't bothered with myself,,,,can't remember the last time I put make up on or even brushed my hair! I'm so close to just ending it right now! I think thats why im so angry maybe? Angry at myself for thinking it again I dunno I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!!!!!!!!!! Everything and Everyone is pissing me off. My arm is aching so much now…It's going to look a mess tomorrow morning but hey thats me all over! ONE BIG FUCKING MESS! I'm surprised my keys on my keyboard havent broken lol I'm slamming down on them so hard as i type. and I've hit them a few times too haha. I'm losing the plot, I don't know how much more of this shit I can take…It's all getting too much now, I can't sleep, I'm overeating, My anxiety is getting out of control too…my stomach wont stop turning!!!!!!!!!! My blood is boiling so much right now, I have to keep clenching my fists and my jaw and I have NOTHING to calm me down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously earlier….After I went crazy and lashed out at myself with my trusty blade….I sat there laughing after wards…..IS THAT NORMAL? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ME??? I can't even have a privacy….I try and have these stupid blogs to help me out…and my boyfriend keeps reading over my shoulder…I tell him to stop looking cos its private….and he carries on lookin so I SCREAM AND SHOUT AT HIM and he says…I can see it anyway I can just go on the website!!!! TALK ABOUT SUFFOCATION!!!!! SO JAMES IF YOU ARE READING THIS EVEN AFTER I LOST IT WITH YOU….HELLO AND THANKS FOR NOT RESPECTING MY WISHES AND MY PRIVACY!!!!!!!!

I'm ready to just burst into tears and end things…for good this time…ah fuck it i dunno…its all a load of shit.

WHAT IS THE POINT IN LIVING? THIS ISNT A LIFE!

 

FUCK SAKE!!!! YellSealedUndecidedYell

 

 

1 Comment
  1. cham3leon252 14 years ago

    hello….wish you some inner peace first…uummm seem like youo have alota raw energy….you need to direct it somewhere…in actuallity i know this might sound weird but i wished i had your energy now….at times ive felt like going crazy….but i always had a way to bleed it out…easy i just went to kickboxing class and took my frustartions to another level and made someone else pay fro it it was either them or the bag till the point that i just didnt have any energy to even want to get back home I know its hard….but maybe if yoou find something at least to project that energy mabe it would help you keep your sanity….as for me these days i dont feel like doing shit that energy that you have i lost it…and walking in this world lost cause i dont feel like doing anything….for what i ask myself….if i tried so hard and for long periods of times and nothings changed….after reading this youre probably telling yourself that you are still where yoou started from with the exception that now at least you know that theres at least another person thats feels like you…..

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