So now I'm completely alone. I can't go back to AT because some girl hates me there because I won't let ppl comment on my posts. No matter what I try to do to relieve anxiety or depression, more shit happens and I get more and more anxious and depressed. I have no real friends and like I said earlier, I'm done feeling guilty about it. I have TRIED to be a good friend. I have treated my friends well and honestly these past few years. And I only end up alone. Not just without a man, but without girlfriends too. I guess part of it is that I avoid things because I am always anxious, but the real true friends I THOUGHT I had are just non-existant.

It is my understanding that this (DT) and all the other "Tribes" are supposed to be support groups. SO I kind of understand that people should leave comments and what not, but I feel judged by others so much that I wanted to just have a place to blog and not worry about comments. Now I don't care. Now I just want to be somewhere where maybe at least ONE person understands the HELL that depression and anxiety can be.

This Holiday Season sucked. Every time I thought it was getting a little better, it fell 2 steps backward and got WORSE. I tried to have a positive attitude, I really did, but I ended up alone in the end. Now I feel a little less pressure though. I had no date or even friends over for New Years. I feel like I can stop being fake with some guys I know. I really just wanted to settle for them, but now I don't. I even wrote a blog earlier on FB about how I am tired of half-a**ed friends and don't want to just be a people-pleaser. A guy I used to go to theater with read it and he said he hopes things get better for me. But most people aren't as understanding as he is.

Well I can't stop blogging. I need a place to talk about depression and anxiety. So here I am. I guess if people want to judge me or hate me that's just the way it is. I was hoping that people wouldn't think my posts were "a waste of time" to read like that one girl on AT. I was hoping I could help others too with the same problems.

Then again, what do I know, I'm fucken useless.

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