I never thought this weekend was going to end.

Here's the story..

Last night I was visiting my friend at his college. He was having a huge party at his house where I met a lot of people and was pretty social. Although there were a few times where I found myself sitting on the couch wishing I could get on DT and talk to everyone. I was literally surrounded by up to 60 people, yet I felt incredibly alone. As usual I felt invisible and not important. I just couldn't believe I was at a college party and wishing I was talking to all my DT friends instead. I used to be the life of the party and now I'm the wallflower.


I was doing really well this past week. My mood seemed to brighten a little. Not surprising, as I was driving back to college this morning I broke down and cried almost the entire drive. I'm not really sure what caused me to break down, because nothing particularly bad happened this weekend. It's most likely a mixture of leaving my comfort zone, returning to a place where I feel invisible, coping with my parents problems and stress of school work. 

I feel like so much is wrong with me and that everyone is just annoyed with me. It is just a constant feeling that no one wants to deal with me or be around me. I don't want to disappoint anyone, let people down or have people be upset with me. I don't know where any of this paranoia is coming from. All I know is that I want it to leave. I'm just going to lay here on my bed all day and sleep and study some. Not much else I'm good for anymore. 

I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. 

  1. stigletz 11 years ago

    i know that feeling and still deal with it from time to time,right now i am still in nicotine detox ,which is throwing my chemistry for a loop i have been depressed all my life,i wont let it get the better of me,if you would like to be friends or anyway i could help let me know,my name is john 

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  2. ancientgeekcrone 11 years ago

    Are you seeing anyone for your depression; it sounds like your depression is reaching crisis stages.

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