I have learned something today, that i think is important to share with everyone. In the last couple days I have had to come to terms with certain realities. Some of the realities, i didn’t want to accept. I think this is where many men and women relationships get tragically ripped apart, and all that is left over of a great friendship is just tons of regret and hurt feelings.

See mechanincally deep in your heart and spirit, the human being knows what is right and wrong. We all have passion and that passion manifest in our life as desire-feelings-emotions. Desire is the wish for things to be true. feelings are how we feel in the moment. The emotion is what is left over after we either got what we wanted or failed to get what we wanted. In the end the emotion that we all crave for is joy, but instead we have sadness and regret. if your a educated person or compassionate person, over time you will come to understand that sadness is not the answer. The sadness will lead to frustration and anger and then the emotion we have left is resentment. It is a powerful thing in our lives. In pagan religion, this is the sacred circle of life, which is always moving. It is the balance between the four elements of our life. also it is the balance between what the heart desires and the mind says is not possible.

For me, in the situation with Debra, I couldn’t let go becasue I promised my heart to her. Even though she didnot promise her heart to me. I didn’t understand that in my mind. In my mind I had wroked hard and did all the right things to do to show her that I loved her. So in my crazy mind I became obsessive with trying to honor my promise to her, even though she made no promise to me. I think that is why I knew i needed to talk to her. My mind needed to hear the physical words that she had made a commitment to someone else. I have come to understand this as the line between respect and honor. As a friend, i didnot want her to stop being my firend simply because she got married. But i need to learn to respect the boundary that she is married, and because she is my friend I have to repect her decision. Although my desires are different. I don’t know if i am making sense, but in my mind i understand it all, but in reality it is difficult to explain. In a relationship, it is important to set up boundaries and define whatthose boundaries are and respect them. In a relationship with other people, that boundary is between their freewill and your freewill. Just because you love someone passionately, does not garantee you will be together. what determines that is both of your compassion.

So I have learned in the last couple of days that i need to honor my friendship to Debra and let her live herlife and do whatshe believes will make her happy, and to be there for when life weighs her down. For the ocd person, this is where you can get into trouble, because your mind at the moment has not learned where those boundaries are. I know to be a good friend it is important to stay in touch, like Debra said, it is ok to corresspond ocasionaly once or twice a year, but it is obssessive to try to communicate with her more than that. I have come to understand that she is a new bride and still sorting out her place in her relationship, my job is to stand aside and let her grow. Then you see, in reality we are meant to be together. Not as lovers but as good friends. Which in the heiarchy of friendships is at the same level as lovers. That doesn’t mean i am a bad friend for talking with her less frequently, it means i am a good friend because i respect her mind and heart.

When it comes down to it I was obssessed with being a good friend. However I didnot know how to administrate that. Then i lost control.

1 Comment
  1. mattbenjamin50 14 years ago

    Thank you

    0 kudos

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