An open letter to my sister, if I never get a true chance to say it this is probably the only place I can be truly honest on what I’m feeling.
We didn’t have sibling rivalry, you took it so much farther in my life. You abused me physically and emotionally, the worst part of it was I didn’t even know that was abuse. Even to this day I’m still learning the actual extent of the abuse not only you inflicted but everyone else did too. You only decided to be my sister 7 years ago and I thought things would change but they didn’t. When I was fifteen, fallen into a deep depression and contemplating suicide, you told me to go slit my wrist any time I was upset. I had no one to turn to when my mental health was declining. 2017 was a traumatic year and you treated me as if I wasn’t allowed to be recovery. You expected me to be fully recovers within a few weeks. Lectured at me for having trust issues and doubts about how I could ever let anyone in again. I fell for it every time you allowed me to be open about my issues then lectured me for it. There’s so much you’ve done to me that makes me resentful to you. I’d ask you to change, confront you but you won’t change. You’re almost 30, you aren’t changing. Maybe for a few hours you would but nothing will be different. One day you would be my sister then change the moment I committed the smallest infraction. In the meantime I have to stay away for my own sanity I need to figure out how to tolerate you in my life but at the same time I’m shutting you out from certain parts of me. I’m guessing I just I have to pretend I’m fine and not broken since in your head I should be “recovered” already