Just like to say thankyou to all for the replys that you sent, they are always appreciated.
Went to see my doc on your advice and spoke to him about my concerns feelings etc he was very helpful and advised me to let the tablets have a chance to work he also pointed out that the anxiety could be part of the depression, although im not sure about that. Anyway came away feelin a little better he has also referred me to there mental health specialist to see if he thinks i would benefit from CBT or talking therapy so i think all in all some good came from the appointment.
I also had an appointment at a private therapist, who made alot of sense when i spoke to her and also was helpful in reasuring me that the thoughts feelins im having arent unusual for depression. I do nt like opening up about my past because alot of stuff is very painful. But she thinks that a couple of events through my life could leave scars that lead to these bouts of depression and thinks that I could be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and has suggested a type of therapy called EMDR after discussing what this entails i am a little bit sceptical about wether it will help but will keep the appointment as i dont think it will do me any harm.
Yesterday i felt alot better than the two days before today im a little anxious but its not debillatating ( sorry about the spelling ) feel like i can get through the day. Spoke to a friend today who i play golf with he wants me to go for a game today and im going to go.
I explained to him how ive been feeling and that i would go on the proviso that if i started getting paniky i would have to come off. I didnt know wether or not he would understand but he did completley and then told me that he had also suffered with depression on two occasions through his life so could understand where i was coming from.
I have thought about this and i have been good friends with this guy for over 15 years and untill today never had the slightest idea that he had the same problem from time to time as i do. And I think that is one of the problems with depression, mental illness etc I feel isolated and alone sometimes i also feel ashamed and weak for been like this on top of everything else those feelings are very hard to bear, but today i think im not alone i have support. The support from this site, the support from my GP, the support from colleages and co workers and most importantly the support of my family and my wonderful wife. With all that in my corner surely im going to be ok.
Thanks for caring x.