So i don't really have anything to write. i'm just tired, bored, lonely, and confused…lol mainly all because of me. after making this decision to live at my mom's recently….i have realized i suck at making decisions, especially when it comes to where the hell i want to live! in the past 3 years i have literally moved me and all my belongings about 20 times, i just counted. lol no lie… and just in the past 2 months i have moved 3 times, but unlike the past times, i have a whole lot of junk now….so pretty much my mom and my girlfriend are like ashley…you need to make up your mind…. and i'm still lost…lol  i don't know where my home is!!! i didn't mention that before the 20 times i've moved myself in the past 3 years, there were all those times i moved with my family when i was underage….i'll tell ya i've lived in about 5 different states and a lot of towns in each one….i went to a lot of schools. i'm 20 years old and i have been moving pretty much all my life and i have no idea what a home is, or even what the point is of staying somewhere anymore. ? hmm.. i know that i initially wanted to write right now because i miss kristen, and i did leave her…we talked about it all, though, and decided we are still "together" although we are apart phyically at the moment. she lives in another county, which is like maybe a little less than an hour away? but you know how much gas is…and she's the only one who drivves..lol i don't yet. but yea i miss her  A LOT. it's also been quite uncomfortable dealing with my family's response to me finally coming out that i'm gay…lol they always knew ya know, but now it's like uuuuuh… but whatever….they are accepting. i can't change myself. there are no meetings here.. i miss them. i could call friends from NA to come get me, but it's a little drive out ya know i'm ahhh like way out in the woods of west virginia now buddy hahaha no wal-marts or anything…. beautiful…lol i love the woods though. there are rocks and mountains and lalala adventures =) it's iight here. i only have one internet network to connect too… now this is funny…lol it's the middle school right next to me, they have it set as public and i can't get on certain sites like facebook, andi have to keep changing the secriuty settings…lol i think it's funny. anyways i'm obviously bored and talking to myself kinda by writing all this LOL i have no friends here. i'm serious, like i know NO ONE. we moved here when i was 16 and i was barely ever here the only people i knew where the dope dealers up on this hill and i found out sometime last year that they're all dead now… so that's sad, but also kind of reassuring for my recovery as bad as that may sound. lol anyways, no clue what the hell i'm doing here, i'm a drifter and i guess my higher power set me here? who knows, usually he sends me across the damn country, so i'll jus have to see what's going on…. lol ooh yea and those people i was staying with, the ones who didn't like cleaning….lol they are sooo angry with me because they think i owe them all this cash, but seriously it's like not even $200 because i gave them my microwave, an air conditioner, curtons, ummm and some towels and stuff lol plus i cleaned A LOOOT and took out the trash which was a messy job….lol but they will get their damn money…. fuckers….lol i mean ooh god i'm so thankful they let me stay there and i got this horrible tattoo on my foot from the neighbor because i was terribley bored!!!! lol it wasn't their fault though. it's a horrible tattoo….some crazy man from LA, cali who was in a metal band…. he was obviously really high on something, but i was too out of it to even notice what day it was…lol let alone what some strange guy was inking on my poor foot!! uh lol it was supposed to be a peace sign i think? but it looks like an alien. ohyea kristen loves it by the way…lol anyways, don't know what i'm talking about i'm just lonely. my cat, jasmine, follows me everywhere!!!! my mother's house is huge like 17 rooms all together….and this animal is with me everywhere i go….lol it's cute i suppose. i guess i'm going to sleep now.. oh yea and that tattoo story was another bad decision…lol i was sober that day. k .. goin to sleep now. <3

peace + love,

ashley