there i was, carrier bag on each hand, tea towel over my face and shaking like a washing machine – and i realised i was slightly out of control.

my boyfriend\’s dad had cleaned the toilet, and he\’d put a load of bleach down there…nuh-uh, noooo thank you. i hate the stuff, i hate it, it drives me absolutely crazy with fear. what if i breathe it in and die? there\’s no window in the the toilet room, as its seperate to the bathroom. what if it gets on my hands, or under my nails, and then it gets in my eyes and i go blind? *shudder* even when i can\’t smell it, i have to get on my knees and sniff  a little before i use the toilet at home. just in case. and if anything\’s splashed on the seat then that\’s it, game over, i won\’t go until the next day (and i\’ve had a fair few kidney infections as a result)

the stench of it was overpowering in such a little room. i waited two hours – trembling all the while – before i just HAD to go. so, i put plastic bags on my hands (no marigolds), a tea towel around my face, and in i went. even with the bags, i could just about bring myself to flush, then i sprayed half a can of air freshener to get rid of the fumes. standing there, wafting the door, and jason just looks at me like WHAT THE HELL?!? even then – even now, and this was yesterday – i\’m using plastic seat covers….

it might seem funny, but when i\’m hurting my kidneys sometimes, and when i can go a very long time not going to the loo out of raw fear….i think its time to put bump under the microscope…lol….

2 Comments
  1. thymeoperator 13 years ago

    lately i keep reading blogs, like this one, where i just think, it\’s so trendy these days to have ocd, you know?  everyone claims they have it, just because they \’have\’ to drink their coffee out of the same cup each day or something simple like that.  and i read this and i think, no seriously, you have no idea what it\’s really like.  it\’s such a popular condition, it\’s all over tv sometimes, and yet no one has a clue what it really is.  my heart goes out to you there, dear.

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  2. buffster 13 years ago

    \\..not 2 feed into your fears hun but if only to add creedance & validation to your anxieties "chlorine gas" has been used on more than a few occasions in the history of modern warfare..its nasty stuff for sure..however you & I know the stuff in the bottle is diluted into impotence so as to be relatively harmless when "used as directed"..I know this doesn\’t help but in any case you have a healthy respect for "environmental contaminants"..however remember the human body has a wonderful mechanism in place for detoxifying & protecting itself from such things.."care tempered by reason" isn\’t altogether \’a bad thing..\\

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