So I spent the evening speaking to a young lady and the conversation was great. It felt good to just sit and talk. then the fear started to set in. of course I love meeting new ppl but the one thing I love about here is that no-one know u . She dont know my story and that makes me feel safe. it's funny cause I tried to limit information I gave her and then she started freaking out that she was being catfish since I was hesitant about posting a pictures lol….little do she know my anxiety is out the window today cause now she has a face to this person of the shadows. What if she gets curious and start searching for me. I choose to live in the closet with my demons. I see her  own demons trying to take her down but I dont want this life for her, all it does is lead to hidding. she has time to right her wrongs. she has time to turn a ugly situation into something beautiful and meaningful. She don't see her gem that lays in her palm waiting to be cut. I let mines get away and now im chasing it. I should have cut and shaped it while I had the chance. By Gem I mean life. love, family, trust,friendships, and honor. I pushed everyone because my scars was enough. life gave a beating that wasn't deserved. I've seen things that no child should have to see. Ive been in situations that not child should be in. All because I didnt have noone to protect me, noone to stand on my belfhalf, no one to hold me when i was weak. I had no voice as everything was stripped from me. All I had was me because My parents was too weak. If i had to go back and face it all I would. Cause behind me hiding was my sister. I saw what I did so she didnt have to. I covered her eyes and told her to look away. I carried her when she was weak. One lost soul is better than two lost souls.  All it would have taken is one person to stop and lift me up, to cover my eyes, to protect me from things I didnt know. It would have made all the difference. So now Im branded as crazy cause noone was there. Haha cause I had no parents. Some mental illness. Nah its called neglect. We all have our struggles, our pain, our broken pieces but how many times have u said no one cares or im alone. Yet we walk past the next doing the same thing they done to us.Im fighting my own demons but I rather point her in the other direction than to follow me to my closet of guilt. I rather cover her eyes from the things that lurk in the darkness. I rather her play in light than in the corners of darkness.


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