I have decided to do what one very influencial friend of mine does and practice being positive. The more positive I can be, the less I will be prone to anxiety attacks and thus images of death.

1. My dog looks like an angel right now, curled up on the couch. I truly love him, and I find him very beneficial to my anxiety.

2. So far, I have made it through today without any panic attacks. I barely got the shakes (except forin a restaurant, except I think I was just cold there.)

3. I spent the day out with my parents. They truly helped me get rid of anxiety for the day. When I looked at the clock, it was 1:00 pm and we were at lunch. I was so proud of myself for not having a panic attack, since panic normally sets in by 10:00 am during German class every day.

4. Christmas break! What a way to spend the first day of break! Relaxing, going shopping with my parents, watching a movie, and playing Zoo Tycoon! I have currently decided to write all of my triggers down throughout the day, carrying around a notecard and pencil everywhere I go. My aunt told me that if I can see a pattern in these triggers, they will become easier to avoid and suppress.

5. I was also told today to try to make anxiety and panic one's friend instead of enemy. That seems like a strange thing to do, but they said that if panic is your enemy, it will never go away. However, if you work with panic, if you direct those panicked thoughts toward something more positive, you will be able to use that energy to do good instead of bad. I might end up giving that a try.

6. We are having ravioli for dinner!

7. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve! This is the first time I have gotten to go to my church during Christmas Eve i many years. Since my parents are divorced, I usually spend the eve at my dad's, andChristmas Day at my mom's, meaning I go to my dad's church at night. Now, I know that it is still church, and I am grateful to celebrate Christmas there with my family, but it is not my church. It does not have the familiar smells, faces, feels. I have severly missed my church on Christmas Eve, but this year I am spending the night at my mom's, and I will be able to go to my church with her.

8. I made it through 5:47 minutes of a guided breathing meditation. I know it wasn't much, but I am sure that over time I can build my attention span to last all 15 minutes of the meditation.

9. Since taking motrin my back pain has greatly subsided.

10. I have so many people on this site that understand, and so many who are willing to help. I have never before felt this cared for. I know I have only known everyone for a short time, but you all are giving me hope.