My (great) uncle Jack is missing. And my (great) uncle Dennis is in the ICU.

My uncle Jack is schizophernic. He had it all, a great job, a wonderful fiancee, money, family, friends, and one of his "friends" got jealous and slipped acid in his drink. His friends left, along with his fiancee. It’s just us family. It really messed him up. He always goes out for walks but this time… He hasn’t come back. My uncle Dennis takes care of Jack the best he can, but he’s on oxygen. He got so worked up, he took off his oxygen and went into the woods looking for him. When the police & search and rescue team got to my uncle Dennis’s place, they called EMS because he was in such bad condition. The hospital thinks he’ll need to be on the vent for a few days.

What is going on? Where is he? Are they okay? I should’ve called more frequently just to see how they were.

What scares me the most is that it’s archery season. I know it’s 7:30pm. But that doesn’t neccessarily mean anything.

I don’t know anymore.

I don’t know about anything anymore.

I just keep wishing the past would become the present. When things were okay. Or at least felt okay. Now nothing is alright. It’s not just the current situation. It’s just… Life. When I wake up, I’m not sure if what I’m seeing is real, or if I’m still asleep and just dreaming. It surely feels like a dream. But it’s been too long. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, not in my opinion.

I wish I would just disappear. Every day it just gets worse and worse. And by night, just more and more isolated. I don’t think I could change it if I had the will. Who would I talk to? Who would I spend my time with? What person would be my friend, for me? And not what I pretend to be. I’m so afraid of opening up, because it would just scare people away.

Erugh.

I guess it doesn’t matter. There’s other people with more significant problems.

Like my uncles.

I hope they’re okay.

xx.