I hate that mother says I have no choice, about having the parasites(my sister and er son) live in our house.  I hate the fact that she doesnt' make him clean his room.  It smells like a damn stable.  I hate that he makes a mess and she cleans it up.  I get so angry at that and that it is somehow okay that the dog digs holes all over the yard.  But, it isokay because she doesn't really walk on the lawn anyway.  What about the massive dog crap in the dog run. The things she has given me and taken away like the desk, the dresser and the couch.  I don't really want them.  And, she got rid of them….that is the reality.  The fact that she said I begged for her to take over my debt. Is a lie.  I never remember saying that to her I just remember thinking how did she find out how much I owed/  The fact that she scolded me over my deb and that I know there will be a fight over the piano. Do I want it because I know there will be a fight.  I am not going to be all nice to her to have her hurt me again.  As far as I'm concerned I don't want her to hurt me again.  I want things the way they were with out the parasites. It was a realization afew weeks ago that my whole existance was to take care of her …but she has hurt me and I don't wan to take care of her ….. I want her to see I have a valid reason to leave.  I'm starting to think that is what I need to do. I am afraid.