Currently, I choose not to add friends from fb. I wouldn't feel comfortable enough to share anything about myself with friends on facebook. Fb friends post link,family & whats going on with them. Many of them don't be realor should I say whenever something going on with them they don't share it on fb.FB has an tendency of starting misunderstanding with ppl when they are sharing. So I prefer not to post anything on FB. They speak of good things; unfortunately I have no good thing happening in my life. Although I'm currently receiving disability but in desperate need of some home work program without fee. There are'nt any that are free to start maybe; but eventually the most of offers require too join whatever site for trial period. Currently, I live alone & no outside help from anyone.I have only one true friend we have been friends since 10th grade; over 40s yrs. in friedship.She knows more about me than my sister or vice versa.We share most everything.I started this year being hopeful. Although nothing as change for the better.I have been searching for some help to make money from home with no success.Winter is here & again I'm without heat. My gas was turned off due to payment of $550.62. My son's girlfriend promise she would give me the money for her half; but of course no success in getting it. She caused my stove too catch fire from her lack of concern; she wouldn't even get up too tend to it. The burner has a whole; she don't want to pay for it-but saying she will. But again; I see. I'm the kind of person with a kind heart too people in need.When I lend a hand I'm constantly being used by others. The hatred my youngest son have for make me wonder. In 1996 I went to get help for addiction & joined the methodone treatment program. That was a failure. I began using other pills with methodone until I had enough. I was clean finally! My ex-husband which is my youngest son father & I married was not working. He decided to pick on my second son & began secretly abusing him physical & mentally. So at the second time with no emprovement; I left him for good. Because I wouldn't come back to our home we both purchase; he had no choice but too sell. Unknowingly, planted hatred in the heart of my son. He belittle me constantly & told me I was no good.Evidently, I son bought hook & sinker. He hate me.Will do for others & dismiss me dismiss my calls & ignore my text. When he need me-he calls with his pitiful story. He sell drugs. My eldest son is the only one who show he do care but he could do so much; with his own issues & six children.Inspite the hell I have had-noone came close to taking my four sons. I kept them with a roof over their head,cloths,food & always providing for them. Now they are all grown the youngest 30,31,33 & 35 yrs.old.My third son who has never been in trouble is married; his wife controls him,children & household. All I desire to get some part-time work perfer to work from home. Thats even is impossible! Every move I make & do every door is constantly slaming in my face. NOTHING!! What the heck is going on-now! I'm alone,abandoned,deserted,lonely,tormented & abuse all I desire is too try & help myself.Living in the south require a car; that I lost thanks too my eldest son. My disability is barely enough to pay my bills.Too make matters worse-I feel as if God has even deserted me alone. So here I am-brought to this site. All I want is to have my peace of mind; joy & a hopeful future. My health isn't great uncontrollable high blood pressure, RA thru-out my body. Why & What I say is going on with my situation. Noone comes to visit & chat cause ppl have they own life issues going on & don't have time too or don't want to spend anytime with me. Everyone I help forsake me & my kindness. I'm just here with no direction & most of all lost my hope in anything good coming my way. I want to be free of torment from the hurt I feel my own birth children hurt me so much. This is my only way to speak with others to have something to share. I do want help I want to help myself from feeling so lonely, I don't desire to hurt myself & I could feel this affecting my health.

1 Comment
  1. desperate4help 10 years ago

    thank you heatherMB for the warm welcome. I calm myself down today because I began to have some pain in my chest. I stopped crying & started praying again.I know God hasn't given up on me. The enemy of my soul has been tormenting me with thoughts.I took a short trip Sunday; on the way back a comment was made:"everyone has someone waiting up for them". Of course not me..noone waiting for me too come home.Just a empty house. I don't know when things going to get better. By the way; another comment was said too me when I was expecting a friend to do something: "oh,he forgot." So the enemy of my soul said: well you see that…noone waits for me; you're forgotten. How would that cause you too feel. If there was noone who cared? I came been beating my brains out wondering Why! At first I thought to myself maybe God wants me to dwell on Him- Put all my energy & strength on concentrating on the word. But true it is..what about human contact? I'm tired of tormenting dreams;torment in the mind. When will all this madness stop? I just don't know.

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