I have an application in the process to attend Haven in BC this coming May. It\'s a 25 day residential wellness program and costs $3000 plus food and accommodation. Plus around $1500 or so in travel. My friend and I are planning out 2 programs in one trip and would be off work and in another province for about 6 weeks or so. When enquiring, they urged me to apply for financial aid, as their loans & bursaries are available to people who could not otherwise attend. That\'s me.

 



So i\'m also in the process of a lot of change regarding my jobs, living arrangements, possible career paths, studying options, and of course money. I really need to get a move on in every area of my life because it feels like i\'m losing everything i\'ve worked so hard for… progress with my mental state, lifestyle, relationships, procrastination, self confidence, location stability, finances, etc.. these past few months have felt like 17 steps back. right into a corner.

 



i\'m seeing coincidences these past few days in many areas of my day, that seem to be pointing me in one direction: choice. with a side of action.

 



but these coincidences, which i take as positive options of possibility, aren\'t all possible at once. the decisions feel suffocating and final. and i don\'t feel qualified to make them AT ALL, given my recent doozies.. so yeah.

 



example (which led to me writing this blog):

happened to chat with a sweet old gentleman today about his recent bus trips. He mentioned the places he\'s been and every single one is a place i\'ve seriously looked into visiting or moving to. Odd coincidence. Particularly hearing whitehorse, yukon when only two weeks ago an older couple i know had nearly convinced me to move there. Then victoria, near Haven… afterward, i obviously thought it all to death and decided to be curious about possible messages. Traveling to Haven this May and/or relocating for a job or school might be a good thing, despite my fears of choosing incorrectly. (even though i know there IS no incorrectly! Ugh)

 



then tonight i found an amazing job in environmental stewardship that i\'m actually qualified for (my degree\'s 180 to environmental). It would help me choose a specific area to study and is a 16 month contract. And it\' s local. And it starts in May, same as Haven.

 



The timing\'s right in my life to try to do this. But i\'m already struggling so very much with money, and feel like it\'s a luxury to take so much time to do personal work.. and at the same time I know that there\'s a lot of stuff i need to work on – this year has proven that yet again. I\'ve reduced my life to a minimal payment so it\'s less to cover during that time at Haven. I have nothing to lose to move now for a local-ish job that will propel my dream career (if it actually IS my dream career. I was very wrong with my first expensive choice..)

 



Blah.

 



I\'m overwhelmed and feeling guilty for sitting here typing my brain sludge instead of ACTION. I\'m such a hypocrite sometimes. Ha!

 



I know, trust your gut right? My mind\'s too loud and my gut can\'t get a word in edgewise 😉

 



Should i get out the ol Magic 8 Ball or what? And this pertains to many many decisions I need (NEED!) to make. Important and immediate. How do you know which choice to go with when there\'s so much at risk?

 

 

2 Comments
  1. triggered 8 years ago

    Magic 8 Ball… meh… make the choice yourself and own the choice. I think you are right… there is no wrong choice.

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  2. coolbeans 8 years ago

    I agree, there is no wrong choice. Do what you think is best for you and your life. Don\'t feel bad for spending time or money on yourself. Forever is a long time to be stuck in a career that you don\'t like. Just take some time for yourself and decide what you really want to do. Good luck!

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