Someone on here about a month ago left me a comment and it said something along the lines of " You're always going to be lonely if you keep that attitude". I can't find the comment, but this person is correct! Attitude has a massive if not the biggest impact on life, social situations and etc. including perception. But what about if it doesn't feel right to have a "better" attitude? If it doesn't feel right to change your attitude, from my experience, the outcome will be worse than what it was to begin with. It has to start with a gut feeling on this subject, for me at least, which then stems down to some underlying problems…which I have (family situation, personality change from over medicated in past).
Which this connects to my burning bridges. People view me as someone different from who I really am because of my misery and it digging deep roots into my life. I am so stuck in everyday misery and lonliness that I begin to lose reality and separate myself to my world of understanding and misunderstanding, all inside my head. Eventually this is all I know is what I'm trying to say. Good people approach me, and I cannot be myself ( let my negatives go ). I am not causing any disrespect to them but only to myself. After the fact that the conversation is over I realize and say to myself "geez, damn, what a jackass I am that is the opposite of who I am and now that person doesn't know the real me!" I am not good with a conversation most of the time, more accurate to say just about all the time. No one likes to talk to a unhappy person, I am negative, tense, lack a true sense of social pleasure which some take personally, complain. I dont like this, neither does anyone else and this is not the real, happy me. But how do I ultimatly change this? I understant it's a process and I am going for the full effort but it doesnt feel right. I am hoping when I do get to my comfortable point, free to be happy which I know will come, that when I approach these people with a true genuine smile on my face that they will almost give me another chance to conversate with me and associate with me. Maybe they understand a little bit because i dont disrespect them?