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What does it means to be alive? What is one's worth in the life they live? To look beyond to the sky and feel a peace and separation of mind, body, and soul?

Questions that plagues me constantly without mercy. Each morning I wake I wonder why? Why wake here when there are other worlds? My body feels like a burden, a cage I'm trap in end. Subconciesously my skin feels like it's writhing in pain. In the mirror I'm disappointed in myself. I don't have anything near I have a strong attachment to, to hold me here. I live in Elmore Alabama. I live on Earth. I have people who love and care for me and yet I feel lonely and empty. I've been through so much and there are many people outside of me who got it worst and yet when I hear someone died or been killed I wish I could take their place. Today I'm moving about feeling this unexplain great feeling of something dark. I just know something horrorable is going to happen but when and what is what I don't know. So far the last feeling I had simlar to this is before the HIV when I felt like there was a dark cloud looming over me. Like Death himself was standing beside me but mostly a dark shadowly sense. But after I contracted HIV I don't sense nor feel that anymore even through I tried feeling for it. The thoughts that goes through my mind nowadays is "How long or when" Somehow I'm feeling like I know my time is up I just don't when and how. I'm just weary now. Everyday I keep thinking what is turely the point of my life? To just be born? If so I rather not to have been born. I can't find my purpose and living just to live is not making me feel blessed. I just feel dead within. To me what makes life worth living is family of my own and I can't sense that anyone which is why I believe I'm going to either die or live in sorrow and loneliess. I truely believe now that I can't find my significant other or if he exiests or maybe I just don't have one. It's obvious that I'm meant to be alone. I don't go to clubs or social events. I have no friends. I basically have nothing.


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