Its just horrible right now.
I think I must have been a murderer, or something really bad in my last life to have a life like the one I am experiencing right now.
Its like if it is not this, its that, my life was JUST getting good, it was JUST getting to where I had MULTIPLE good days in a row, weeks at a time, & I was happy, really freaking Happy! I met one of the most amazing men in the world, and I have to say, I can see myself spending the rest of my life with this man, Loving this man, & having a family with this man. Its a beautiful relationship & I am so in love with him, but the past five weeks have been the hardest weeks ever.
He was really depressed suicidal, and angry. He had to get baker acted because he was a danger to himself. He was off his medication for a bit & it hit him really hard, plus he was drinking way too much, so he went to the facility & got help & he was doing really good, and because I knew he was doing good again I figured it was time to take care of me.
So for 2 weeks, every single day I called my doctor explaining to her voice mail that I was REALLY struggling and have a very hard time & that I needed to come in for a session and to get my meds refilled. She waited 16 days to finally return my phone call & explained to me that she no longer takes my insurance & sadly that there was nothing she could do anymore. So I went to the Saluscare (Mental health facility) here in my city & was turned away because I need to be refereed to them. I told them, what do I have to do, kill myself in order to get some kind of help (I was really angry & really desperate) for some medicine. I was suicidal, I was cutting again, & I didn't want to feel that way, I made MULTIPLE legitimize attempts to get better and was pretty much told, to F off.
I finally talked to a friend and she refereed me to her doc & I do have an APT on Monday which I am hoping goes well because honestly things are really hard right now & I am trying to use my resources to get help & its just really hard right now.
So this week comes, & it starts off okay, I'm out of money but we are managing I'm working over-time at work & basically doing anything I can to get through the day. On Wed the cops show up @ mine and my boyfriends work & slaps him with a restraining order because when he got admitted they had to alert his ex wife who mind you lives all the way in fucking OHIO! & she claims that she is in fear of her life, so she slaps him with a restraining order & in Ohio if you share custody of a vehicle or house you can seize it, so the cops show up at our work & take our vehicle! Our ONLY way of back & forth to work, & takes it. Not a damn thing we can do, because we can't afford to fly from FL to OH. So tomorrow we have to go to a buy here pay here &hopewe can get a new vehicle. Its just a shitty situation
Today we go out for Lunch before I have to go to court for my license & I'm going to get in the car, and I roll my ankle and fall on it, got told at work that I couldn't stay because I was too injured went to the ER & was put in a fiberglass splint until I can go see an orthopedic surgeon this week. They don't know if it is broken, my ankle and foot were too swollen to get a clear enough picture.
Its just like REALLY? Are you kidding me? What more can go wrong, what more can happen. I just am at the END of my rope & i honestly don't even know whats the point of keep trucking on only to keep getting shit on day after day.
I just feel like giving up.
Sorry I wrote too much, I just really need some kind of support, advice words of wisdom, something to give me a reason to keep fighting through all this crap.