My life.
Its just horrible right now.
I think I must have been a murderer, or something really bad in my last life to have a life like the one I am experiencing right now.
Its like if it is not this, its that, my life was JUST getting good, it was JUST getting to where I had MULTIPLE good days in a row, weeks at a time, & I was happy, really freaking Happy! I met one of the most amazing men in the world, and I have to say, I can see myself spending the rest of my life with this man, Loving this man, & having a family with this man. Its a beautiful relationship & I am so in love with him, but the past five weeks have been the hardest weeks ever.

He was really depressed suicidal, and angry. He had to get baker acted because he was a danger to himself. He was off his medication for a bit & it hit him really hard, plus he was drinking way too much, so he went to the facility & got help & he was doing really good, and because I knew he was doing good again I figured it was time to take care of me.

So for 2 weeks, every single day I called my doctor explaining to her voice mail that I was REALLY struggling and have a very hard time & that I needed to come in for a session and to get my meds refilled. She waited 16 days to finally return my phone call & explained to me that she no longer takes my insurance & sadly that there was nothing she could do anymore. So I went to the Saluscare (Mental health facility) here in my city & was turned away because I need to be refereed to them. I told them, what do I have to do, kill myself in order to get some kind of help (I was really angry & really desperate) for some medicine. I was suicidal, I was cutting again, & I didn't want to feel that way, I made MULTIPLE legitimize attempts to get better and was pretty much told, to F off.

I finally talked to a friend and she refereed me to her doc & I do have an APT on Monday which I am hoping goes well because honestly things are really hard right now & I am trying to use my resources to get help & its just really hard right now.

So this week comes, & it starts off okay, I'm out of money but we are managing I'm working over-time at work & basically doing anything I can to get through the day. On Wed the cops show up @ mine and my boyfriends work & slaps him with a restraining order because when he got admitted they had to alert his ex wife who mind you lives all the way in fucking OHIO! & she claims that she is in fear of her life, so she slaps him with a restraining order & in Ohio if you share custody of a vehicle or house you can seize it, so the cops show up at our work & take our vehicle! Our ONLY way of back & forth to work, & takes it. Not a damn thing we can do, because we can't afford to fly from FL to OH. So tomorrow we have to go to a buy here pay here &hopewe can get a new vehicle. Its just a shitty situation

& THEN

Today we go out for Lunch before I have to go to court for my license & I'm going to get in the car, and I roll my ankle and fall on it, got told at work that I couldn't stay because I was too injured went to the ER & was put in a fiberglass splint until I can go see an orthopedic surgeon this week. They don't know if it is broken, my ankle and foot were too swollen to get a clear enough picture.

Its just like REALLY? Are you kidding me? What more can go wrong, what more can happen. I just am at the END of my rope & i honestly don't even know whats the point of keep trucking on only to keep getting shit on day after day.

I just feel like giving up.

-sigh-

Sorry I wrote too much, I just really need some kind of support, advice words of wisdom, something to give me a reason to keep fighting through all this crap.

1 Comment
  1. prayingdove40 6 years ago

    Wow your life sounds really hard right know but you must keep in mind there is someone for everyone out there if you keep surrounding your self with negative people and things that is all your ever going to get try to let go of the past and look at every thing that is going right in your life if you can't find anything change it the decision is yours good luck 🍀

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