I feel really guilty.

I'm going to apply for movie school this summer. It's rather far from home, so it is implied that I get a dorm room on campus (around $750/month). Mom offered right from the start to help out with the cost of that, which I felt more or less fine about. She's probably just happy I'm finally doing something.

But then other costs showed up. Apparently it's required to have a driver's license to apply (which I don't), and here in Sweden you don't get it at school or anything like that. The total cost of getting a driver's license (not including a vehicle) is around $2,300 here.

And since I'm a diabetic who didn't always get straight A's in taking care of myself, my eyesight is not what it used to be, and it may (or may not) be required for me to get glasses or lenses before getting a driver's license. I'm not sure what glasses cost, but I'd guess they go for around $450 here.

And it's just so much money piling up, I'm starting to wonder if maybe I shouldn't apply at all. For all I know, I could lose all interest in movie making right after graduation and become something completely different (or become nothing and move onto mom's couch). I don't want my parents to waste any money on me, and even if not wasted, I'm not sure I want them to spend that much money on me anyway.

Yet this is plan A, and there is no plan B. And the past five years, there wasn't even a plan A. I feel like I should seize it, now that I found something I actually want to do. But if it doesn't work out, my parents would be so disappointed (not to mention penurious) and my suspicion of being the family failure would be, hm, less of a suspicion. Sigh.

1 Comment
  1. elf 7 years ago

    Wow, I never thought that you'd have to have a driver's license in order to go to a school. But I am sure there is a reason. If that is a common requirement for other types of schools, I would say to work on that. Get your driver's license so you can be in a position to go whatever school you want. Start exploring what other schools you might be interested in.

    You haven't even applied to the school and you are already viewing yourself as a failure. "For all I know, I could lose all interest in movie making right after graduation and become something completely different (or become nothing and move onto mom's couch)." Don't quit and give up even before you start. Go for the film school. Go explore options for that Plan B. Get moving. You can do it.

    |
    0 kudos

Leave a reply

© 2021 WebTribes Inc. | find your tribe

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account