I really can't say that I am unhappy with the way that things have been going for me lately. Am I happy? No, not really. More like I have grown used to what to expect in my every day life, grown accustomed to it. I've become content with the fact that I have not been what the typical person would consider truly "happy" for the past several years.

My days usually consist of me waking up around 10:30-11:30 in the morning, skipping breakfast, heading straight for my work out. After my work out is out of the way for the day, I usually take a shower and take care of my chores that I have to do around the house that day. My boyfriend is a Junior in college, I am unemployed. Putting me at home, alone, for about 6-7 hours a day.
You could pretty much say that my social life is non-existent outside of my relationship. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I just moved here last year and without a job or a car of my own, I really am not given an opportunity to go out and meet anyone new. However, even provided that opportunity.. I cannot say that I would really take full advantage. I live in constant fear of being judged. Judged by complete strangers, my friends, my family. Inside, I know that I am my own worst critic. I know that these negative thoughts are placed in my head by me and me alone. I am in a sense a bully to myself. Thinking myself incapable, undeserving and undesirable in any aspect. I have a hard time opening myself up to new people and therefore making new friends is virtually impossible.
I guess you could say, that's why I am here. I hope to connect with other people that are maybe going through similar situations. I hope to be there for others here that need it, to give advice or a shoulder to lean on. Maybe even to create a couple of friendships. Who knows, 🙂
  1. borntired 11 years ago

    yep that is why i am going to counseling to learn to quit beating myself up, the negative thoughts were what got me into the terrible depression pit i fell in to. i thought i was doing better this week but still find myself paralyzed by doing regular daily chores. i work best under crisis situations.

    content is a good thing. being happy is just a temporary state, no one is happy all the time, i am hoping to become content with my life again, sounds like you are content in your living situation but not content in being with yourself

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  2. Aswa 10 years ago

    I hear you. DT is an oasis of understanding and empathy. Welcome. Aswa

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