Is this the end? Is this where we say good-bye to our years of friendship, our late night bedroom talk? To our hidden smiles and laughter, the I love you's and I hate yous? Is enough finally enough?

 I seem to be stuck in looping questions wondering what the right route is. I've left once before and regretted it, so is that what is keeping me from moving on this time. I loved you but when you love some one, should need to defend every thought and action, every word spoken?

 I love him, but am I still in love him? He hurts my heart on a weekly basis with things I believe he unintentionally does, does that make it right though. He's been one of my few supporters, a believer and best friend, and lover all wrapped into one man. But our age sets us apart from the rest. If he loves me and wants me can't he have me. Is our world so shaken by the separation of age, that I can't have him. I want him, I have wanted him for so long. But do I deserve all that I've ever dreamed of in life. A loving partner. He occasionally has this glimmer in his eye, that makes me just smile, like he's looking at me and I'm thing only thing in sight. He speaks of great things to come but only when his pleasures are being met, but what about my pleasures, as much as I know relationships are not about sex and the bedroom, shouldn't that play a part, shouldn't that relationship be as great as the one outside the bedroom and other places of fornication. I use my ability to please him, to gain time with him, it's his true weakness, he can't say no. Is it wrong to use that to my advantage.

He said he kinda missed me, he's becoming more open with some typical emotions and speaking them out loud. could this be a sign, should I not give up this journey quite yet?


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