i keep crying that is all ive done for the last hour, i was talking to a friend from the hostel i live at and she was saying how worried she was about me and how she thinks its too much and i cant stop crying i cant do anything i just want to go home i really want to go home, why am i being like this i dont cry im strong i smile and laugh and make jokes now im sitting here crying wishing it would all go away wishing i could sleep and never awaken wishing i could jump of a building and fly and never land or maybe i want to land maybe thats how im meant to be maybe im ment to break and fall maybe im not here at all, one can only wish, i feel like im just having an hour were everything is being questioned, rite down to my exsistence everyone is trying to help but i cant help myself, do i want to help myself? am i just letting myself go just drowning in my tears, just hoping one day the misery will be gone and that i will have succeded with at least one thing in life am i just going to carry on crying untill i have to get back to the ruitine of caring for my nan, when i get home am i going to break down in an uncontrolable state? am i going to break? am i breaking? so much uncertanty and so many questions going around in my head!! i cant cope, i just want it to be quiet and piecefull, i just want to feel like i belong and feel secure within my self more than anything, other people care more about me than i do what does that say about me? why do i care? why am i even asking? what is rong with me?

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