Dear Daddy,

You know it really bother me that you've never said sorry, do you know how hard it was and is living without your father? What kids used to say to me and Tessa, the step sisters we've had?
The step dads we've had? No I really don't think you do.. Why haven't you said sorry? Why did you make the choices you did when you had a beautiful wife (that wasn't home much I know.
Two beautiful little girls and another daughter that you took advantage of? She was little.. So wrong. You made your choice and you chose to leave me and Tessa. Why?
Yeah you had an addiction but you couldn't take a look around a notice you had to stop? For our sake and yours? Do you understand the pain it causes when people say people like you are discusting, to our faces?
Do you understand how hard it is to hate someone sooo much for doing it to you and not being able to hate your dad for the same thing to someone else? Do you understand how hard it is sticking up for you when you did the same thing?
I reall don't think you understand all the pain ou've caused to me and Tessa, and if I didn't care so much about you and your feelings I would send you this letter.. I need closer which is something I hardly ever get.
I'd like to see Ken and ask him why just as much as I want to ask you why, but it'd be like asking a brick wall because I'm pretty sure you'd say I don't know, I really don't. I look at my cousins babies and babies in general and ask why would someone want to hurt this precious little thing?
It's because people are stupid, blind, don't tr to see what's right in front of you, and you couldn't see the life you had and try to change it for us. GOD! You took us with you! Who does that?
I read the reports, I'll admit I don't understand some of it, and some is missing but what I do know is that if I ask ou something and you tell me something different I couldn't stand to talk to you again.
Do you know what your mother has done? She kidnapped us for crying out loud, to go see you! In JAIL! Was she stupid.. Seriously, After that we lashed out at mom, found a couple letters from you, blamed her.
Your mother told us lies, lies about mom, you going to jail and how. Uncle Jerry was probably one of the most flawless to me and he changed sooo much in the last 4 years, couldn't see Justin, started drinking,
lashing out on me and Tessa, smoking, trying to turn us into CPS, and then lied about having cancer because we were mad at him for saying we didn't LOVE you! Bullshit!! We've done so much for you!
So much shit that we shouldn't have had to deal with! Seeing m friends with their dad's makes me angry and sad and jealous because mine made the stupidest choice to do what you did and leave.
Without saying sorry I may add! You DON'T understand anything because you haven't been there! I don't know what you and grandma talk about in your letters and in a way I really don't mind,
but I know she talks about us, and I don't care if it's good or bad, I don't like my name, moms, or Tessa's comming from her. Yeah she writes you often and keeps you updated but I don't like it.
We've never sent a bad letter because we can't bring ourselves to cause pain on someone we care about which you had no damn problem doing. It makes me sooo ANGRY. Friends, family, strangers say "it'll get better."
When exactly will that be? When your out and go back for the same shit? It's gotten better for me mom and Tessa but, Mandi's gone, You're gone, uncle Jerry's gone insane, and now moms in the hospital with a hernia and bleeding in her stomache.
Just when does the pain and torture ever end for us?! One thing after another, We have this beautiful place and mandi and mom aren't here to enjoy it. People say they understand but they really don't.
When I explain things it's not as bad as it seems, or someone has to sa they have it worse, I don't compare, I say I have it hard or at least it's hard to me, I know I don't have the worst life but It would help if someone helped..
If people knew how hard it is to send letters to your dad, hold your pain back so you could keep him happy, hold you pain so everyone stays happy, It's HARD and sometimes I need a dad to guid me and talk to but you're not here.
I can't take pictures with you, show you off to my friends, turn to you when I'm hurt, I hate that your missing everything! I hate that you chose this.. What hurts the most is not having a dad..

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