I swear, you kick, and the evil power of all things addictive [email protected] hones in on your ass, like you’re the fox, the hounds are loose, and the hunt is on.  It’s like one freaking thing after another – I swear I am not making this stuff up.  My life is actually this nuts. 

My "friend" Steve, who I knew was a bit of a narcissistic punk, came by.  I have been feeling bad for the guy, because he was in a terrible accident, recently.  He comes to my place, asking me a favor, which is fine.  I don’t mind that.  While he’s here, and I have my back turned, he busts out a dub (a 20 sack of heroin).  It’s from the same dealer I used to use – I know, because it looks the same, and because, back when, he was overpaying like mad, so I gave him my connection.  He starts snorting the sh*t right in my apartment, right in front of me.  I freaked out, and told him to get out.  First he denied knowing I was off the sh*t these past three months, and then I called him out on that lie, so he said that he meant to say that he didn’t know it would bother me.  No one is that stupid.  I threw him out, then bawled.  Sobbed, and sobbed…  not sure what I was crying about…  it was just got so much harder, so fast, because someone was a jerk off.

Emailed Ace…  no response, yet.  Called Charlie…  he was nice, and said that I did good, and that we would never talk to Steve again, but he could not talk long.  No answer from Maria.  I know Mags is studying.  Maybe, I should try to call Ace.  Okay, he just IM’ed me and said he would call in 10 minutes. 

I don’t know why Steve did that.  He mentioned not having cash, which makes me think that he wanted me to end up buying some smack so he could mooch some (promising to pay me back, I am sure).  Or, it is also possible that my old dealer put him up to it.  Dude has been trying hard to get me back, calling all the time, and he knows Steve’s my friend.  He might’ve given him a bag for free, provided he took it to my place – I am sure if such an arrangement was in place, Steve would’ve gotten at least another bag when I placed a 100 dollar order after getting a whiff of that twenty sack – which is what would have happened.  That line would have been enough to [email protected] frustrate me – nothing more.

I am so done with this jerk.  F@ck him…

My life is so nuts.

  1. drummerboy1970 13 years ago

    Hey Badkitty

    So sorry you had to go through that…that guy sounds like a jerk…plain and simple…but then again…when i got clean i realised that i had to get tough with who i let into my apartment and my life…so my simple rule is…if they”re using—they”re not to be trusted…plain and simple..maybe you didn”t know he was using…but if they aren”t close friends…only acquaintances…then i ask them straight up…Ther”s no point trying to figure out what his angle was…because it doesn”t really matter…if he was using..then he wanted to use some more…and you were the source for the day…in his mind…Quick question…were you to be trusted when you were using?…thought not…just cut the guy loose…learn from the experience…wish him well in your heart and move on…you can do this and it will get easier…just get tougher…with a smile!!

    Take care

    Tim (Manchester UK)

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  2. Somecure 13 years ago


    Sorry about the "asshole steve".  What a jerk off.  I woulda wanted to punch his lights out and I”m not prone to act out physically towards anybody.  It certainly sounds like the dealer could have had a hand in this.

    I”m very proud to know you and know that you handled that situation really well.  Misery loves company and "asshole steve" sounds like he was looking for some company to share his own misery.  Glad you turned him away.

    Stay strong girlfriend…You are worth a lot more than an impulsive moments worth of smack.  A whole lot more.

    You are always welcomed to look me up on chat if you need to vent.

    Have a good evening,



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  3. weakerthanilook 13 years ago

    You did very well, in a bad situation.  I would take this as a sign that you shouldn”t have any troubles staying off the drug.  Upsetting as it was, it was a big test and you passed with flying colors.  Short of getting out of the area I”d look at some serious ways to cut your old ties with these people.  I”m always available to chat.  I may not know the right things to say but I can be there if you need to vent. 


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