The last few days have been extremely bad for me.I recently moved to Mount Prospect,Ill to be with my boyfriend.We strarted out "just friends" and lived together for almost a year.When he got this new job and moved to Chicago I was devastated.I came to visit a couple times and seemed ok.I decided to let him know how I really felt about him and he wasnt in the same place that I was.It hurt me terribly but I understood because we were always "just friends".He came home during Christmas holidays and I was just starting to see someone else.When I told him about it, he clearly realized that I was moving on and was about to lose me.He told me that he truly loves me and that he was just scared and didnt know how to handle things since he was out of state. He talked me into being with him and moving here,which I did.I quit my job and left everything to be here with him.My job was physically demanding and I now have a slipped disc in my back due to the strenuous work.He told me I could come here and he would take care of me and I could take the time to find a good job and start over.Last week,he had to go back to indianapolis(which is where we are both from) for work.He sent me a message saying that if I didnt find a job in three weeks he doesnt think he'll be able to let me stay here because he cant afford to pay for take care of us both.He was gone a week and came home for one day and is now out of town again for two weeks.I have no vehicle and am having an extremely hard time trying to find work because it is still so cold here.I am having to walk everywhere to fill out applications and no one is hiring.I am now stuck here alone with no money,no means of transportation and am now worried what to do when I dont find a job.I gave up everything to come here and I'm even more lost than I was before.I have been dealing with depression and SEVERE mood swings that I cannot control.I dont have any insurance to see a doctor and I am just hanging on by a thread.All I want to do is give up.I feel like everyone on this board has real problems and mine are just in my head.I have been suicidal for a very long time now and these last few months have not helped me in the least.I am completely lost and have no idea what to do or who to turn to.I apologize for the long blog and hope I dont offend anyone but I'm at my wits end and dont know what to do.I hope I can find the strength to figure this out but am not very hopeful.Once agan,I apologize for the long rant.


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