It wasn’t too long ago that I was one half of a fight.
The other half of that fight was someone who was especially close to me.
We were probably that close because of the (off the top of my head) 30+ things we have in common.
Anyway, I felt like she was trying to keep me in reserve just in case she couldn’t get a boyfriend, and I was planning to let her know that with a note that she agreed to read when I could get it done.
I wanted her to know that I wasn’t always going to be around, and any chance might be gone soon.
I wasn’t going to be a part of that game anymore, and also that another option had been presented to me.
I also wanted the fighting at home because of her to stop.
Oddly, even though her, and I don’t speak anymore, the fighting about her at home has continued. Only the issue has changed.
I sent her an email letting her know that the note was done, and when she finally read that message two weeks later, she flipped.
Appearently she started flipping two days earlier.
When she got the message, I was having issues at work, as well as elsewhere, and couldn’t handle anything else.
Her timing was perfect, as usual.
Every three months she has flipped on me, ever since we started hanging out.
I can guarantee that if we were on speaking terms, she’d be flipping out on me right about now as it’s been three months since this happened last.
Anyway, I was extremely hurt by the message she sent me wich said to drop it, or she could end the friendship.
To me, a real friend would never say that, and I felt that she wasn’t a real friend.
That message proved it to me.
At the time, anyway.
Of course, I wanted to know why she answered that way.
I went to find out, and when I asked, her friend that was with her twisted that question, and answered a different question that I wasn’t asking, for her.
Assumptions can be deadly.
I snapped and started yelling at her friend.
This drove my friend into a really bad panic attack (wich she paid me back for a few days later). When her friend said “look what your doing to her”, I turned on myself, and left.
This turned into a fight on the internet where some very hurtful things were mentioned.
No one won this fight, and we both lost.
We both fought fiercely.
After someone told me that she didn’t want things to happen as they did, it has since occurred to me that she was just as hurt by my reaction as I was by hers.
The note included what I mentioned as well as actually asking her if she’d give me a chance. That was something I hadn’t done yet.
I felt that we were too close for me not to ask.
I was also getting mixed messages from her that added to my stress level.
She was saying that she couldn’t get physically close to me, but when no one we both knew was around, she’d often get so close physically that if I just turned my head slightly, I could have licked her ear.
She only feared that closeness when she was thinking about it.
Because of this, I felt I owed her that chance before I went elsewhere.
All this was explained in the note.
She never got to read the note.
I had a little hope she would consider what was in the note, and say yes to giving us a chance, but more than anything, I just wanted a solid answer that I could hold her to.
That would let me date others without feeling guilty.
I still think that she’s much better than anyone else I’ve met.
I regret having snapped that night, but I also regret having snapped a couple of nights earlier, and almost everyone said that the person I had snapped on had it coming.
I still feel that there’s a better way.
What’s done is done, but this will probably haunt me for the rest of my life.
By the way, my other option lost interest because of all of this.

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