So I'm sitting here listening to the rain come down. Last night was a long night. A rough night. The last night. This morning I got up after a sleepless night, still wanting more lsd. I realized that I don't even know who I am any more. Everything may be beautiful for a few hours, but beauty can only go so far. All I concentrate on is the next high. I didn't realize I was being swallowed whole by my pursuit of a higher high. I sat in tears this morning, hating the person I've become. I want to be a better person, not just for my family and fiance, but for myself. I think I owe it to myself that for just this once I care about my own happiness.

I flushed the last cube I had, and while I felt sad to do it, it felt like a step forward for me. I think I needed to watch it go down the toilet. It made me see the metaphor for how my life could be if I don't stop. I've dealt with addiction before (pain killers and ecstacy), and while I've sworn not to touch them again, I found myself looking for other highs.

Well I'm tired of being high. I'm tired of trying to impress people I don't really care about and who don't really care about me. I need to move on with my life so that I can have a family. A family better than what I had.

So today, I sit here in tears, looking up na meetings and watching episode after episode of breaking bad and drowning myself in a tub of chocolate ice cream. Tomorrow may not be any better, but it could be the start of the most beautiful journey of my life.

  1. shellysnow 11 years ago

    Hey girl stay strong. Im in a similar boat. Xo

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  2. andinorman90 11 years ago

     Thank you both! Best of luck to you as well!

    0 kudos

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