So earlier, before I took again a nap that has led me to feel somewhat better I wrote myself a letter. It made me feel better to know my old feelings are still around.

Dear Rena,

. I am writing you this because I want you to remember this person. I don't forget her, nor do I lose site of her. She's still there, that upbeat perky woman who would light up a room. Who smiled because she enjoyed ot, and knew that her goal was to make others happy because THAT made her happy. I need YOU to know she's still there. Think of all the things you have been thru in life, they are bumps. (don't tell me you've forgotten the way you look at things) they are speed bumps in the road in life. Some are big like potholes and some are small as pebbles, but it would be inhumane for you to not go thru anything in life. We are not perfect. And you need to let things go. You can not change what has happened in your passed, stop thinking that. But what lies ahead you can make your own decision. You have a great guy, hell if you don't know many chicks do. (haha your smiling, you know what were talking about.) It's ok to say you have problems, and your best bet is he wants to know. There's nothing bad to really say, and no I mean hell no this is not going to be easy. You have taken initiative to state the problem. Forgot well let's restate: Hi, my name is Jacynthia Rena Sanders. And I have depression. Its ok. You know people, close people that deals with it on a regular, and its ok to cry. But bitch we've been crying too damn much, and we've been having the worse pity party ever. So pick your mixed ass up and fucking smile. Nothing worth having is easy to obtain. Fight for what you want, you've done it for 22 years, you know your birth story. Keep it going. Now idk where you feel that you not living is best. Bitch we weren't suppose to be here but we are. And were going to make it better until GOD calls is home. Just because you feel a certain way, your being selfish! You have a better half, and just because you feel like dying do you think he wants you to go? Granted probably had days where you wanna strangle each other, but deep down you love him and I hope you know bitch that man loves you too!! Talk to him. That's something we both see you need to do. What about Trounda and Te'Zia? Do you think they want you to off with your head because you feel like you can't go on? Heck no, Rishaunna would come down here after you did it and would kill you again for killing yourself!! You have plenty of people, MONIREH!!! Hello!!!! Your the older one, and you two have been thru situations after another. There's always going to be some rain, clouds, and storms. But you're never, EVER, alone. And after each storm there's always a beautiful rainbow with the sun. Hell even during the storms you can get rainbows and sun (Shamall and you seen that literally.)Jacynthia, don't give up on me like you have yourself. We are better than that and WE know it. Everyone knows it. I love you, and know if no one else does YOU LOVE YOU!!! So start treating me right(LOL!!!)<3 always,The spunky Rena who isn't giving up on us 8/1/2012