i am so happy i managed to find a site like this where i finally feel like im not alone in the crazy world that comes with OCD. i feel like i may actually have a shot a getting a handle on the anxiety and compulsions i deal with all day everyday. i have a major germ phobia, i have a thing with numbers colours patterns and symmetry (down to how i arrange my dishes) i am an overthinker and thats being modest. along with multiple other things that rule my daily life. but i have been inspired in finding this place that i am ready to hit this thing head on. i have read several things that say that purposely putting myself in situations that cause me anxiety is a good idea.. to help deal with and minimize the actual anxiety itself. so i started today. my baby step today is when i got dressed today for work i put on a sweater i wore on saturday. i wore it while i was in the bush. so it has some residue bug dope in the arms a little campfire smell and some unseeable surface dirt from playing with my kids. after having it on for 40 minutes not only could i not stop thinking about how much i wanted to take it off then wouldnt u know a spider would crawl out of the pocket. raising my anxiety level exponentially. i have had it on for 4 hours now and no matter what im doing i cant stop circling back to how badly i want to change out of this thing!!!! but i am forcing myself to keep it on until my shift is over. to the outside world this is nothing.. people wear already worn clothes ALL THE TIME! but for me i feel like a crazy person. my anxiety is pretty high and it hasnt subsided. i am hoping that with continued exposure therapy i can over come this part over time. also i am planning on doing other things that make me feel like a crazy person. like leaving the volume on an odd number and not allowing myself to change it, or purposely randomly stacking my dishes instead of following a pattern as i always do, or doing the dishes in a different order. or eating the blue candy first instead of last or forcing myself to not check 15 times if i actually shut the stove off…. all of these things are going to cause me a ridiculous amount of anxiety and make me seriously uneasy. maybe even dwell on them for days who knows. i am hoping my boyfriend is going to be as supportive as he promised he would be, because i know i cant do this on my own. he is my opposite. he couldnt care less if his hands are clean or if his clothes are dirty or if the floors arent clean. he doesnt care how the dishes are stacked or that the volume is at 29 instead of 30. im going to need all the help i can get. also im hoping i can get some insight from people on this site with support and even tips and suggestions that have worked for other people. so for all on here i am happy to finally be a part of this and i am hopeful i am going to get the support and advice i need to finally take control of my OCD instead of it controlling my whole LIFE! thank u for reading 🙂

1 Comment
  1. marnella 10 years ago

    You were very brave and strong today with that sweater, and I admire you. I am a severe germaphobe with morbid/intrisive thoughts. I have only found two other people on here with germ OCD, so just know that I am here and can relate 100%. What you did today was called an "ERP", or, "exposure response prevention", and you did great! Let me know if you ever want to talk….keep up the great (although stressful), work!

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