i dont no wer 2 bgin realy. i just dont want to b here anymore, iv found myself at a point in life wer iv got to make my decisions & found i cant. a suden realization that iv got nothing, am nothing & wot i hav got im gonna lose. ur success is measured by wot uv completed & the return from those things, i have completed nothing! everything that i hav attemped, i have been pushed into by other people who thing that wud b gud for me & now i dnt no who am anymore. my motivation, drive & even my ambition is lost i dnt wot to do or how i can change things. iv always been bullied my hole life & wanted to show the people i hated that i was better than them & i cud get far without being like them & i look at my life now & think i cant cuz iv got nothing to show so far. my personality is like a yoyo 1 min im manic depressed the next nothing cud bring me dwn. im just so fed up of failing & disapointing people including myself. i hurt so much & feel ashamed of myself & how i feel. i want a stable source of income & a family & i end up with dets, no job no qualifications, a family that the worse critics ever & who dont support me frends who dont want to be near cuz im so depressed & my partner that is so far away from me ryt now.  =”'( i dnt no wer to start, iv just failed my college course, & cant find a job thats looking for people with GCSE’s, iv spent the last of my muny trying to keep my flat warm but its still so cold. i just feel so disapointed in myself & this world. i been having silly thorts that i no wont help matters much but i just hurt so much.  hate myself for not being gud enuf, i hate that im a failure, i hate that i feel helpless, i hate th fact that i cant stop crying, i hate that iv disapointed so many people, i hate that everything i wanted to be & to make of myself is out of sight, i hate this life, & i hate that people wud just think of me as more of a failure if i just cop’d out of this life, i hate wot people think of me, i hate that i cant support myself, i hate that im not clever, i just hate myself.the pain just never stops, i dnt even feel like me anymore, i think the real kate has alredy died off. i just feel so empty & meaningless. i misscaried in december last year & i just cant beleive how much of a bad tym iv been having the last few years & i think im now just broken. iv never wrote into one of these things b4 so im sori if i sound pittyful but i just need to vent cuz i dnt no how to cope at the moment, i arent expecting any replys. =””(