I was thinking today about distractions, and about how our entire lives, no matter who we are, are filled with distractions. We surf the net. We play with our iPhones or iPads or whatever. We play games, drink, read…just escape. We pass our homeless brethren thinking "Well, if he/she only got a JOB…". I was thinking today about how disgustingly self absorbed we all are. It really makes me want to cry. So I take my Welbutrin and drink wine to numb everything. But it doesn't make me stop wanting to cry about it. I look at my children and wonder what kind of world I brought them into? Will they think like I do when they're 30? Will they help those less fortunate? Will they want to cry every single day because of what is going on around them? Will they be judgemental? What can I do to make it better for them? What can I do to stop them from turning into little replicas of me, or worse, accepting robots that just float along without questioning authority, and without thinking about the "little guy"?
What makes a person worthwhile? Why can I see merit in everyone but myself? I hate myself for distracting myself. I want to help everyone that is in need. I want to make a difference. But I also want to be normal. I don't want to struggle with the horrid thoughts that intrude my mind. I don't want to struggle with this depression. I want to be accepted for who I am. I also want everyone else to be accepted for who they are. I want my children to grow up in equality. I want everyone to have a fair go, and I want no one to take advantage of others. I just don't understand why we can't all love each other, or at least tolerate each other.
I know that this is a bit of a word salad, but I was just typing my thoughts as they came. Thank you for reading.