I dont really know what to name this Blog,,,so I am just goin to ramble on,,been awhile since I have been on here was TRYING my darndest to live life and not be scared anymore but those feelings have finally caught back up with me…

to the point where i wake up about every hour through the night just to make sure I am still alive,,,

went to dr 2 weeks ago had sinus infection qnd ear infection well then this past Monday had to go back to dr cause i knew something was wrong found out i had viral pneumonia,, since it is viral no anit biotics were given just cough syrup. I hadnt been to dr since december 12,2012 which is a GREAT feat for me considering i was goin to the e r every time i turned around but yet that didnt matter to the one I love the most,,he wouldnt even take me to dr MONDAY.

I am just so tired of living this way and I know only I can stop it but I am running out of options on how to stop it,,,you know what i mean guys seriously you have been there too dont lie to yourselves or anyone else,,

I am not goin to push the enter button anymore cause it makes me mad how this does when you do,,but anyway I know there are alot of people out there feeling the way I do right at this moment and are just to scared to say it,,but I am saying it IM AT THE END OF MY ROPE with the health anxiety and panic and anxiety and worrying just dont know what else I can do… I couldnt wok ll week due to this sickness (viral pneumonia) supposed to go back on saturday but we will see depends on how i am then i guess.

DANG IT!! hit enter again,,,,Welll NO I cant stop it but I have been told God can and believe you me I have prayed EVERYDY for Him to take this away from me and have asked Him what I am being punished for,,,no response,,,,so that leaves me to deal with how to stop it and I will one day be free from this,,I HATE LIVING THIS WAY DAY AFTER DAY!!! every pain you tink you are dying and every ache you think it is something serious and it keeps you upp all night and day worrying about it all the time,, but what else can i do i go to therapy i take my meds and i have tried all the "techniques" of calming one self down only to find out that THEY DONT WORK FOR ME!!

Had what I thought was a GREAT friend and I talked to her quite abit but I think I wore out my welcome with her because shes never available or something granted dnt get me wrng i now people have lives outside of their disabilities with mental issues but not me here lately it all revolves around mine my whole life revolves around mine and it is getting old and I HATE IT

been up since 4 am this last time but before that i was up at 11 then1 then 3 (what they call the death hour) then up again at 4 so decided to stay up here in a bit have to get young ens up for school so i will stop ranting now and let all f this process….good bye