I don't know how to start things like this very well, so I'll just let my brains spill. I started this account to write out my thoughts and feelings anonymously so I can be 100% honest with myself. Maybe I can get help here or advice, at this point every little thing helps. I just hope this will be the last "fresh start" for me. So I'm 18 and I live in Washington state with my grandparents. I grew up in a military family, lived all over the country, and Washington was the place that stuck in my heart. At the beginning of 2017, I was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, PTSD, and ADHD. It was the first time in my life where i started going to therapy and taking prescription drugs. During this year, I was taking classes at a local community college for my senior year of high school. With my problems being dug up to the surface for others and myself to examine, I started to fall behind in my classes and ended up failing every single class. I had to go back to my high school and take all of the repeat classes just to graduate with a 2.4 GPA. Going from a 3.8 my junior year, to a 2.4 really disappointed my parents and made my life hell. I didn't apply to any colleges, I thought I could just work as a cashier at a grocery store my whole life. Now I only talk to family and my boyfriend, making it very isolating. I want to talk to my friends from high school, but they're too busy at college to talk to me, and when they do message me, I'm too drained to respond, so in reality it's my fault I'm alone. No one wants to be around me because I have terrible hygiene. I struggle to shower, brush my teeth, brush my hair, and I leave food everywhere. I had to clean the inside of my car recently due to the smell that made me gag every time I had to drive, and there where maggots in my car because I've left food in there for so long. I just broke down and had to realize what I was doing to myself. I've felt as if I finally had the motivation to do something for myself for once, like I deserve more that barely making it by every week. I compensate my loneliness by buying useless things and food, I hoard all of these things until they overtake my life and nearly destroy it, and I rarely, if ever, do anything solely for myself. I guess joining this community is a step for me to improve and become the person I want and used to be, happy.