Not sure where to start on giving my background. Seems like my mother has always been disappointed in me and I have always felt like she didn't really like me that much. The way she treats me and the way she treats my sister is almost like I am Harry Potter and my sister is the privleged cousin. The only person I felt loved me was my grandmother and when she died I married a man that was not good for me at all because I wanted someone to love me so much. That marriage ended and I married the man I thought was my knight in shining armour. We were married for 12 years and had two beautiful children. I was a stay at home mom for most of the marriage and we moved from post to post following the Army life. Something happened in my husbands career and we ended up leaving the Army before retirement. He found a job in Texas working on an oil rig, 2 weeks at home and 2 weeks gone. My entire family and life had been as an Army brat and then Army wife so it was a big change to civilian life for me. Things were difficult but I just assumed it was because we had to change our whole lives around and he was a little lost now that he wasn't a soldier anymore. Because my mom had always made me feel small and like everything I did was wrong and because I was so desperate for love I guess I was a pushover. I didn't really notice how everything became my fault, I couldn't pay the bills right so I ended up just letting him control all the money because I was tired of being lectured constantly on what I was doing wrong. It seemed like everything was my fault and I couldn't do anything right or anything to make him happy. I started getting sick constantly with UTI's and stomache problems, my gall bladder ended up being removed and I was in constant pain. I didn't know how much money we had or that he was having numerous affairs. Then he said we could take a trip to Japan with the last bit of the money from the Army because we could stay with his friend and her husband who lived there and they would help show us around. She had gone to school with my husband and started talking to him online, I talked to her too and thought she was a friend. We go to Japan and they seem REALLY friendly. Next thing I know he is telling me that we need to see a marriage counselor because of our problems and that I should see a counselor on my own because of all my "problems". We see the counselor but apparently the "friend" left her husband the second we left Japan and moved to Texas to shack up with my husband. He says he wants a divorce and I feel apart. I was so hurt and so scared and so terrifed. How could I survive? How would I feed my kids? What kind of job could I get? I was a mess and took a bunch of pills because I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. When I came out of my coma I was sent to a state run mental facility. My mom never came to see me and I thought I would be okay because I was on the meds and I could make it throught the days. But I wasn't okay I was not thinking at all, I went to see an attorney and he said I could possibly lose the kids in the divorce court because I tried to kill myself so I paniked and didn't have my own attorney. I ended up with no money but what little I got from the sale of our house and all of that ended up going to pay medical bills. I didn't have medical insurance and I had no idea of how to get any type of goverment help so I ended up running out of the meds. The kids were gone visiting their grandparents and I was home alone and started cutting on myself to let the pain out. I didn't stop cutting for three days. No one called or checked on me and I didn't eat or drink anything for three days. I was passing in and out. I ended up calling my mom and said I was sorry. She called my ex-husband and he called an ambulance. My kidneys stopped working and I was in the hospital and another mental ward for a long time. I came out and said I need help I need to go home for awhile and see if I can heal in my body and soul. My ex said I don't think you should take the kids with you until you are better so just sign this piece of paper so I can put them in school while your gone. Turns out the piece of paper was actually a signature page to me turning over custody of my children to my ex. So I am home living with my mother with no money, no children and no life. …to be continued….

2 Comments
  1. Andie372 8 years ago

     So sorry for everthing that you've been through.  I really am stunned at your story and wonder how you could go through it all and can write about it in a clear organized way.  If it were me, the first thing I'd do is, if I were in a good state of mind, look for a job.  Being around your mother can't be good for you.  Sitting there with nothing to do but think things over and over is bad for you.  

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  2. DiscoQueen 8 years ago

    Well lets see for the tbc part…my mom moved in with my grandad to take care of him and is letting me live in her house rent free. I got a job at Walmart (only place that would hire me lol) and I also just got a second job working as a substitute for Headstart. I am now in my third year ( all of the first part happened around May 2010) of trying to get my life back together. My first year I was able to qualify for state help and was on medication for awhile. Of course now that I am working I don't qualify anymore and so now more meds for me! LOL I am just trying to get to a point where I can be self sufficient enough to move back to where my kids are so I can at least force my ex to share more of them with me. Organized and clear are two things I was not for a very long time. Thank you both for listening and responding. I am sure you understand how nice it is to know that someone hears you.

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