After a lovely, relaxing weekend alone, John got home and I definately felt relieved that he was here. Even though I was fine all weekend, I realized how much I like having him around, and how lonely I would be without him. He was tired, as was I (stayed up too late Sat. watching the movie!) so we decided we would go to bed early. I knew I was over-tired, and just as we were about to turn out the lights, my oldest son called. The dog had been sick, along with various other things I really didn't feel like dealing with at 9:30 at night. . . Anyway, went to bed, dozed off, and began to get very restless and agitated. We tried all the usual relaxation methods, but nothing seemed to help and the anxiety got worse until I went into full panic mode. We restled with it for nearly 2 hours, took my meds, etc. and finally thought I could go to sleep. Laid back down, dozed off again, and within 1/2 hour it started all over again. By this time, I was really down for the count. I got so bad that we even got up and took a walk around the circle of our condo grounds, but nothing seemed to help. I couldn't tell John what was causing the anxiety, just got myself so worked up that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. . . He stayed up with me most of the night, dozing as I would settle down, and then starting over again with the panic. Finally, about 4am I was so exhausted that he gave me another xanax and I finally fell asleep.He even stayed home from work until I woke up, and then we had coffee and talked it out the best we could. God bless him, I am so lucky to have such a caring and attentive husband – maybe not having him around all weekend made me realize that when he got home, I had missed him alot more than I thought I did. Anyway, I finally got him to go to the office, and here I am, trying to figure out what the hell happened to bring on such a viscious episode. I know that when I am overtired, all my defenses go down, and that's probably the crux of it, but I am so disappointed, since I have been doing so well. Anyway, I am feeling al little better this morning, albeit anxous and nervous, and plan to take it easy as well as a nap this afternoon to try and combat how tired and exhaused I feel. These episodes always remind me that no matter how good I feel, the anxiety issues can hit at any time, for no particular reason, and it hurts to think about the next one. But I'll move forward today the best I can, and hope that tonite is a better nite.I guess we just have no choice but to keep going, realize that we can't control these things, and just deal with them thebest we can as they come along.
Thanks for listening. I can't tell you how much it is helping me to have people to talk to that understand these crappy things we have to deal with. Somehow, just knowing that there are others out there dealing with the same issues, makes me feel less alone. . . I wish you all a good and anxiety free day! M