There aredays when I just feel so empty, lonley and lost.

Sometimes Im even at the point of screaming at the top of my lungs. Perhaps it is not so much for people to hear my pain but for me to finally acknowledge it and get rid of it.

I don't know how some people deal with ithisfor so long but after seven years of living with this sadness I feel like some days I'm just ready to lose my mind.

There are days when I can tune outmy sadness and feel part of society again but when I look at myself in the mirror or when I'm alone in bed at nights I just submerge back into it. I don't know what to do. I sometimes find myself observing some girls and wishing I could be like them.Infact I even end up envying some because they have so much charisma and they are so full of life.

There is another thought that has haunt me as of lately. There is this quote that is very popular now and it comes from the book "The Perks of Being a Walflower" and it goes like this: "We accept the love we think we deserve." And I believe that many people can relate to this, Imean I see it everyday withmy sister when she goes back to guy that has hurt her a lot. And I feel like I see it with myselfalso, except thatI amnot with someone who doesn't value me. In fact I have no one to go to and I actually never had. If the quote says that we accept the love that we think we deserved then does that mean thatIdon't deserve any love at all? That because I don't love myself I feel like no one else will ever do and that's because I'm always rejecting everyone else that wants to enter my life. Perhaps I'm too deep in this that I don't make sense but that quote has just haunted me.

So in all, I just want to say how much I feel lost and how much I want to scream for help.


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