my friend got back from his education so we´ve been playing alot spend time together for the past week or 2. his girlfriend just got back today, we still usually spend time together and play but there is always her in my place and i always feel obligated to entertain everybody who iv have in my place, if i dont i feel like a jerk. i know my friend is a bit of a jerk also, but in a small time you dont choose your friend you grow up with them. i usually am the one paying all the food and drinks, and always feel bad when givin anything. i am completly stuck with my life right now, with no directions to go. any education i want to go to i feel confident, but i cant handle people. music used to help alot with shut off from it but now feels i cant be around people. i want to get a job but always feel ignored or thrown out when i give aplications, i want to meet new people or get a girlfriend but i cant stand people. people always say "just talk to people" or "go to a place and be around" i feel so bad when i am around, and sometimes when it gets worse i feel murderous or too observent of predicting people thinking that they might be like that. i know that i dont know people completly but people always judge quickly, me too. i cant stand the new age shit, there is so much me me me. so many abandamment issues that they use social sites or cheap clothes trying to get so much attention i cant stand outside. and to meet people i know, been such a dissapointment of life i try my best to avoid them. iv got so many problems and this is the only place i let a little out, never to my familie or friends. in my world no one is close enough to talk about problems, or they drink alcohol and pour feelings out. i never get drunk, if i am in a party wich is about once or twice a year i drink maybe 1 or 3 drinks. i always hated people being drunk bec of my parents, and bec of that i am shut off from my town. this country is running on alcohol and i would do anything to but a fucking bullet to the brains on them or myself to get this misery off.