So, instead of Animation Club today there was this event thing at the college. A Harvest for the Hungry food drive, and all the clubs had tables with displays to try to attract new members and stuff. So I did that.

Just being around people is so mentally and physically exhausting.

I spent a lot of it just sitting at our table not talking to anyone. This is why I hate going to social events. Just off by myself, watching everyone talk and laugh and enjoy eachother's company, and not being able to be a part of it. It's the most depressing thing ever.

During my senior year when there were these assemblies and events all the time it was always like that. I usually ended up in the counsellor's office or in a bathroom somewhere, crying. Getting ready to graduate, being around all of those people who I've known since elementary/middle/high school without really knowing any of them, and none of them knowing me. And I ended up sitting alone, watching everyone together. I couldn't handle it.

ANYWAY, back to the club thing. Sometimes people did speak to me, and I spoke back. Nothing meaningful though. No bonds made or strengthened. But there is one girl I think I'm becoming friends with. It's just so hard for me to open up and SPEAK that I just can't make connections with people.

The Animation, Video, and Video game Clubs were all set up next to eachother, a big congregation of geeks. Fun, but I didn't feel like a part of it. Sat and watched movies with some people for a while…

But yeah, I don't really do social events, and this is why. The overwhelming anxiety, and I just don't get anything out of it.

But I guess I'll continue going to the club meetings and not give up hope…


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