The guy I\'ve been seeing turns out to be not the stable person who could hold me up, but a guy weaker than I am and in need of more help than I can offer…. everyone wants me to dump him but I still love him (though I couldn\'t use that word yet in talking with him). I\'m fighting a war between what I need, what I want and what everyone else thinks I want and need… Even the guy is telling me I can do better than him without taking into account that I don\'t want to do better than him right now… I want him. My best friend is telling me to dump him too…. I can\'t stand it!
Karma refuses to take its toll on my former office manager. She was reported to corporate for her racist comments and for creating a hostile environment and was given no reprimand… I would have thought by now Karma would have kicked her ass, instead, she\'s getting a free pass to make things worse for the one black employee (who happens to be a dear friend of mine) because of this. We are in the year 2010, racism should be a fireable offense by now, or at least worth a demotion and some discipline!
My faith in this world is crumbling and the shattered pieces just won\'t fit back together. This is not a just world. Goodness doesn\'t reign. It\'s disgusting…. almost bad enough that I feel the urge to go back to cutting myself again… since I can\'t take the anger out on the people who deserve it, I can take it out on myself…. I guess that\'s what it\'s always been for me, a way to release my anger at the world….
Someone help restore my faith….
I\'ve tried thinking about the good things: I have a beautiful apartment, a great new job, friends and family I love….. but I\'ve had all of those things before and had them ruined by this world. Housing has fallen apart, jobs change with who\'s in charge, friends and family die or lose touch…. this world just sucks….