Well i’m feeling slightly better today than I was yesterday. Maybe it was getting everything out that I was thinking in both the chatroom and my blog. I’m thankful for those people that were in the room when I was ranting (Baggs, Gemma, Surry especially). It is nice to know that i’m not the only one that has feelings like this. Sometimes I feel like i’m the only one, so having those people in there that understood, and were supportive. I thank you.
Even thought i’m feeling a bit better, I didn’t get out of the house. But I did think about it, which is more than I have been the last few days. I even got dressed, which again is more than i have done the last few days. I’m a little dissapointed that I didn’t go out, but i’m definatly going to do it tomorrow. Infact i’m looking forward to it, which is surprising.
I find myself holding back alot when writing my blogs, or talking to people in the chatroom. I think its a protective mechanism. I’m a guarded person, its just the way I am. What is strange about it thought, really i’m completly anonymous. You would think that it would allow me to be open and just say what I want to say. Unfortunatly it’s not that easy. Yes, in some ways I feel more comfortable in talking to people, but again, in some ways not. Its quite strange really. I’m working on it though.
Good thing I did today- I ate healthy again. I’m proud of myself. I find that incredible hard to say without putting a "BUT" after it. I think that for me to be happy with myself again, I need to stop putting "But" after sentances where I am saying something good about myself. Its alot easier to write it down. I find my head still says the "but"s, however if i don’t write it down, its like i’m not acknowledging that thought. It seems quite wierd to say that. I don’t even know if tha makes sence, it makes sence to me though.
I completed something else that I have meaning to do for a long time, and that was to clear off one of my bookshelves, shelves (that has been occupied by ordiments) to make room for books. I’m getting a small collection of books and i’m definatly planning on improoving it. I’m getting back into my reading now, and i’m enjoying it. I used to read alot when I was younger, then I stopped during high school. It was too "uncool" so to speak. Now I don’t care. I would love to read some of the old classics. I think I might have a look around and see what I can find. Maybe if I become well read I might seem more sophisticated.
I would love to go and see a play in a theatre. Its been soo many years since I seen one.
I’m still not convinced with my new hair colour. I’m affraid if I try to change it, it might go worse. I put it up for the first time since I dyed it, and it didn’t look too bad. Its just when its down it looks so black. In the sun it looks like it has alot of purple in it too, i have no idea where the purple came from. I hope I don’t look too strange.