I have just joined today and this is my first post. Maybe I should start off with just describing my OCD.
Sometimes when I read the 'symptoms' of OCD or other people's stories I feel like I am different than them or that I have a less severe case, however it stil does bug me every day of my life and it causes me alot of problems.
Most of the things I do are little patterns, counting, unusual or inappropraitethoughts, uncontrolled actions…
Counting is a big thing that I do. I count and use numbers every day or even hour of my life. I count everything from stepsI take to words I write to words I or someone else even days. I hate having to count it frustrates me but I can't stop. I usually use the number 3, multiples of 3 and multiples of 4. 3 is the only odd number, all other odd numbers are bad to me.
I use these numbers alot for very unusual counting. One of themI do daily is counting the amount of toilet paper I use. I will have to be 4 sections and if not them 8 and so on. I hate it
I always have unusual thoughts from things of me getting hurt to me hurting someone else. I would never hurt someone, but sometimes my mind goes to what if I accidently killed this person and it scares me. I also have sexual thoughts that I don't like either. These thoughts make me feel wierd or that I am not normal. I always feel like if someone could read my mind they would think I was crazy. I don' t like it.
Sometimes I have uncontrolled actions such as saying things I am thinking. I will think something but not want to say it but for some reason it is forced out on its own. I feel like I have no control over my own body.
I am scared of myself and I hate who I am. I wish I knew what it wouldbe like to be normal. Because I have no idea what it would be like to have complete control over myself.
Thank you so much for your post. I just joined this site because my 18 year old son was diagnosed with OCD two years ago. He was actually diagnosed with generalized anxiety 8 years ago and now looking back I can see that he has had OCD for years. It wasn't until he felt he wanted to try to go off his Zolft that the OCD hit fast and hard. He describes his OCD must like yours. He does patterns all the time and has to do them a certain number of times. You're definitely not crazy. YOU are not your OCD! The more I learn about OCD it amazes me how I can identify people who have it. There are alot. You and my son are not alone. Take care of yourself and find someone you trust to confide in. That has been the biggest help for my son.
Patty
I understand what you say…I really do. I'm new here, too.
These are compulsionsm rituals, and fears which aren't reality based. This doesn't make you different or weitd or even with a strange type of OCD There are many fellow travelers on here.