I have just joined today and this is my first post. Maybe I should start off with just describing my OCD.
Sometimes when I read the 'symptoms' of OCD or other people's stories I feel like I am different than them or that I have a less severe case, however it stil does bug me every day of my life and it causes me alot of problems.
Most of the things I do are little patterns, counting, unusual or inappropraitethoughts, uncontrolled actions…
Counting is a big thing that I do. I count and use numbers every day or even hour of my life. I count everything from stepsI take to words I write to words I or someone else even days. I hate having to count it frustrates me but I can't stop. I usually use the number 3, multiples of 3 and multiples of 4. 3 is the only odd number, all other odd numbers are bad to me.
I use these numbers alot for very unusual counting. One of themI do daily is counting the amount of toilet paper I use. I will have to be 4 sections and if not them 8 and so on. I hate it
I always have unusual thoughts from things of me getting hurt to me hurting someone else. I would never hurt someone, but sometimes my mind goes to what if I accidently killed this person and it scares me. I also have sexual thoughts that I don't like either. These thoughts make me feel wierd or that I am not normal. I always feel like if someone could read my mind they would think I was crazy. I don' t like it.
Sometimes I have uncontrolled actions such as saying things I am thinking. I will think something but not want to say it but for some reason it is forced out on its own. I feel like I have no control over my own body.
I am scared of myself and I hate who I am. I wish I knew what it wouldbe like to be normal. Because I have no idea what it would be like to have complete control over myself.