This is my first shot at writing a blog here at this site, so I suppose it will be giving the reader a first impression. Of course depression and anxiety are a big part of my life, but of late I have tried to keep it from being what defines me. My own condition arose from two head injuries I incurred back in 1989 with loss of consciousness. These were life changing events even though I continued on in my career without any treatment for many years.

In 2002 I reached my limit of coping, perhaps my ability to cope was a big part of what was impaired when I had those injuries. I broke down…unable to perform my job and barely able to function in life. Just prior to that I entered into the whole treatment process…a vortex that by August 2005 had me on 16 prescribed medications, making me into a zombie and a despicable man.

In November of 2005 I quit all those medications cold turkey and have been pursuing alternative means to improve myself and restore my ability to cope. It is much more complicated, of course, and this journey is what I will most likely blog about here.

Writing in my online journal has probably been one of the most valuable efforts I made throughout this unpleasant adventure. Ironically, now I have found articles that speak to the positive nature of expressive writing in dealing with depression…when I began it was just something I did.

I am now at a point where I am trying to integrate back into some sort of social interaction by going to a writing class through the adult education program, joining a writing club, and looking to volunteer in a few places. In 2004 I was approved for industrial disability retirement through my retirement agency, but am still in litigation through the workers comp entity.

Those years of medication are like a blur. I don’t much care to go back and read all I wrote through those times as I was becoming a hateful, despondent and pitiful person. Mostly I am amazed that I am still alive now.

The experience has left me little trust for the medical, mental health and pharmacology industries. As I noted above I seek assistance through alternative means; diet, supplements, walking, research, avoiding negative influences that drive anxiety, etc.

Basically I have found it critical to take responsibility for dealing with what ails me as all the professionals and their egos seem to be going in the wrong direction in my observation. As I see it, we are each unique, not cardboard cut out depressives that all should fall into their categorized treatment. Their medications seem to do more harm than good, which seems counter to their oath, “First do no harm.”

For me…medication is not the answer…in fact it made my condition worse. Therefore, I’m committed to find my own way into a more manageable life. Anxiety and depression, though it seems to becoming an epidemic, has certain stereotypical assumptions attributed to those who must deal with it…which is sad. I would not wish what I have gone through upon anyone. It damages the brain, the body, family and one’s entire life.

Anyway…despite what I have shared I do endeavor to take a positive approach and change my thought process from depressed thought to positive thought. Everyday is a challenge.

Peace to all…