I wrote a blog the other day, with a simple explination of some of my strees that I've been holding in and bottling up, like I've done for many years. My home life is just that, I'm home, not out working earning my way through life, Not socializing with people or making new contacts or new friends.

I onnce again struggle with my seizure disorder. I loose conciouness and fall over and shake, I awake hours later confused and trying remeber what happened. I sometimes get an explination of what I had just went through, but its just that, a story that my imagination fills in the rest, and still left with a blank spot in time, in memory and in life. I'm very week and tired the following days. and my depression gets the best of me when I'm not on my A game.

Also to answer and explain a few things, I have a loving, supportive fiance, and two wonderful boys. The nice weather is here, and i ride bikes with both of them. I cook and clean, my OCD gets the best of mes somedays, but i take care of what ever needs to be done like paying bills and fixing things. I wake up and pack my sons lunch and gett him up and dressed for prescholl. I read him books, I joke and laugh with the people around me. I'm not always this way.

Thats why i come here. I get to vent and express more of who I am and not just who i want to be. I'm honest even at the cost of many things, I'm faithfull to my causes.

I wish that this dark cloud that follows me would go away and that I'd have a better understanding of the things that are going on around me. I know in at some points I put myself in these moments and try to dig my waty to the surface just to try to see if i can, and also know that i can't help it sometimes too.

I thank my friends here and the Dt for helping me even if in the smallest ways to get through my dark times. I also thank you guys who have commented on my blogs, its nice to know that people still have hope, and kind words to share…….