Sometimes I really do live to regret the past blogs I have written. I seem so confident and self-assured at times, whereas days like today make me feel like I am in the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Today I feel discouraged, I'm trying to remind myself why I still bother waking up each morning when I would rather crawl under the covers and never emerge. Yup, today was definitely not a good day. Days like today make me wonder whether I have some split personality. There's the calm, rational, centered and optimistic me, then there's the nihilistic, irrational, pessimistic me. I don't know who I am half the time. My borderline attitudes make me not trust myself, hence how could I trust anyone else? Be positive Vyonna I keep mumbling to myself today but really I am failing at this point. I feel exhausted today. I feel alone. When I'm positive it's much harder for me to feel alone and isolated when in reality I am, but when I am negative the feelings of loneliness seem much more lurid. Days like today I miss my ex, the bastrad broke my heart and destroyed my trust but I miss him. I want to loathe him with every fiber of my being atleast it wouldn't hurt so much. I know I don't ever cross his mind so why should I waste my breath on him. I don't even want to make this blog about him but somehow I have diverged to writing about him. I am lonely, yet I isolate myself because I lack faith in people, a catch-22. I really don't know what my life has in store for me. Half the fun should be figuring it out, but in all honesty I am tired of these cyclical emotions. I don't want to fail, but it seems everytime I take a step forward, I fall 4steps behind. I am playing a game of catch-up. Failure is not an option, especially for a perfectionist like me, yet I can't seem to help but fail. *Deep breath* exhale…taking the rest of the evening one minute at time, hopefully I can sustain it until these dark feelings pass me by.